Author: Anonymous Page 148

Yacht: A floating debt.

Definitions

He is so dumb, blondes tell jokes about him.

Exaggerations Intelligence Stupidity

It's always darkest before dawn… so if you're going to steal the neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

Beliefs

Jim Rosenthal to an American goalie: So what’s an American doing playing in goal for Millwall.

The goalie’s reply: I’m trying to keep the ball out.

Colemanballs

Loose lips sink like a rock.

Mixed metaphors

Ventriloquist: A man who never speaks for himself.

Communication Definitions Speech

“There, there,” was Tom’s pat answer.

Tom Swifties

“I can lend you the money,” Tom said with interest.

Tom Swifties

Y Chromosome: A line of genes designed for men only.

Definitions Men People

“So, it’s a duel you want!” Tom shot back.

Tom Swifties

Communism: Liberation of the people from the burdens of liberty.

Definitions Government

Teenagers: People who express a burning drive to be different by dressing alike.

Age Definitions

[a rock group’s] authenticity strikes a chord with fans.

Mixed metaphors

“It’s the quotient of two integers,” said Tom rationally.

Tom Swifties

The success of any venture will be helped by prayer, even in the wrong denomination.

Beliefs Murphy’s Laws Success

He received a decease and desist order.

Malaprops

Acupuncture: A jab well done.

Definitions

Money is the roof of all evil.

Malaprops

Just remember, if the world didn’t suck, we’d all fall off.

Miscellaneous

Acme: Spots on the top of your head.

Definitions

“I don’t know any shanties,” said Tom unceasingly.

Tom Swifties