Author: Anonymous Page 148

Fewer and fewer in between

Misspokements Mixed metaphors

Sympathizer: A fellow that’s for you as long as it doesn’t cost anything.

Definitions

It's so far removed, it goes right over our heads.

Mixed metaphors

“It’s a unit of electric current,” said Tom amply.

Tom Swifties

Fishing: A jerk at one end of the line waiting for a jerk at the other end.

Activities Definitions

Life: A continuous series of disasters which result in one’s death.

Death Definitions Life

Dog: An intelligent four-footed animal who walks around with an idiot on the end of his leash.

Animals Definitions Dogs

I'm shooting from the seat of my pants.

Mixed metaphors

Ice Fishing: Winter fishing method in which anglers use a variety of specialized equipment to catch colds.

Definitions

“That’s especially stupid!” said Tom superciliously.

Tom Swifties

An economic forecaster is like a cross-eyed javelin thrower: they don’t win many accuracy contests, but they keep the crowd’s attention.

People

Many a man fails as an original thinker simply because his memory is too good.

Intelligence Memory Wisdom

Shoplifter: A person with a gift of grab.

Conflict Crime Definitions

Scissors: A piece maker.

Definitions Things

I.O.U.: A type of paper wait.

Definitions

Clear Conscience: Poor memory.

Definitions

Assembly Line: The notion that if a job is worth doing, it’s worth repeating 9,876 times a day.

Definitions

If you can’t be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.

Characteristics

Home: A place where man goes to raise a fuss because something went wrong at the office.

Definitions Places

Friends don't let friends drink Light Beer. 

Beer Food/Drink

Executive: An under-worked, over-paid person who is in over their head.

Definitions Occupations