Author: Anonymous Page 17

Tact: The ability to arrive at conclusions without expressing them.

Definitions

“Get out of my hair,” was Tom’s brush-off.

Tom Swifties

“Nay!” said Tom hoarsely.

Tom Swifties

I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

Characteristics Intelligence

Strip Poker: A game in which the more you lose the more you have to show for it.

Activities Definitions

“Europe needs more self-restraint,” said Tom continently.

Tom Swifties

Regardless of their age, most folks are not as old as they hope to be.

Age Old

Clergyman: A ticket speculator outside the gates of Heaven.

Beliefs Definitions Occupations

Sex is natural, but not if it's done right.

Sex

When you are in it up to your ears, keep your mouth shut.

Problems Situations

Quit your procrasterbating and go talk to him.

Malaprops

She is so fat… when you tell her to haul ass, she gotta make two trips.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

24 hours in a day, 24 beers in a case; coincidence?

Alcohol Beer Food/Drink

Linguist: A person who can be misunderstood in many languages.

Communication Definitions Language

Anatomy: Something that everyone has, but it looks better on a girl.

Appearance Body Definitions

If you don't like my opinion of you – improve yourself!

Beliefs Insults Opinion

Traffic Light: A little green light that changes to red as your car approaches.

Autos Definitions Things

Casserole: A method used by ingenious cooks to get rid of leftovers.

Definitions Food/Drink

He's between a rock and the deep blue sea.

Mixed metaphors

Shyster: The other fellow’s lawyer.

Definitions Lawyers

Fashion: Something that goes out of style as soon as most people have one.

Appearance Clothing Definitions