Author: Anonymous Page 22

Falsies: A helpful aid to any girl in acquiring a disappointed husband.

Appearance Clothing Definitions

“These propulsion systems were used by NASA on moon rockets,” said Tom apologetically.

Tom Swifties

“Who is this Tom Swifty character anyway?” asked Tom unselfconsciously.

Tom Swifties

… just to relieve the monopoly.

Malaprops Situations

Aardvark: In the beginning was the word. And the word was ‘Aardvark.’

Communication Definitions Language

Timing has a lot to do with the outcome of a rain dance.

Situations Time

A lot of people are leaving the company; the nutrition rate is very high.

Malaprops

Compromise: An amiable arrangement between husband and wife whereby they agree to let her have her own way.

Definitions Marriage

She's tall enough to go duck huntin' with a rake.

Appearance Body Expressions

Regardless of their age, most folks are not as old as they hope to be.

Age Old

Sympathy: What one usually gives to a friend or relative when he doesn’t want to lend him money.

Definitions Emotions

Hotter than a depot stove

Expressions Science/Weather

“A spirit transported me from the couch to the chair,” said Tom, visibly moved.

Tom Swifties

Invitro Fertilization: The innoculate conception.

Definitions

Science Fiction: Fairy tales for nerds.

Communication Definitions Science/Weather

As Bob is my witless

Malaprops

“Our local clergyman has a toothache,” said Tom vicariously.

Tom Swifties

Diplomat: A fellow who prefers ironing out his differences to flattening his opponent.

Definitions

I think sex is better than logic, but I can't prove it.

Sex

I wouldn't touch the metric measuring system with a 3.048m pole.

Language Science/Weather

Expert: A man from another city, and the farther away that city is, the greater the expert.

Definitions