Author: Anonymous Page 22

Abstract Art: The proof that things are not as bad as they are painted to be.

Art Definitions Entertainment

How long a minute is, depends on what side of the bathroom door you are on.

Time

She is so fat… her favorite meal is seconds.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

Underwear: An article of clothing which, when kept clean, ensures the wearer will never have an accident.

Appearance Clothing Definitions

Domestic Harmony: Music produced only if the husband plays second fiddle.

Definitions Marriage

To make the drawers work better, rub them with paraphernalia.

Malaprops

Pickpocket: A man who believes that every crowd has a silver lining.

Crime Definitions

“Will you quit rustling around in my closet!” said Leif.

Tom Swifties

The cost of the hairdo is directly related to the strength of the wind.

Appearance Hair Murphy’s Laws

“I won’t finish in fifth place,” Tom held forth.

Tom Swifties

Drama Critic: A person who surprises the playwright by informing him what he meant.

Definitions Occupations Reviews/Criticism

A communist is one who has nothing and wishes to share it with the world.

Government People

I have a lot of black sheep in my closet.

Mixed metaphors

Entrepreneur: What you’re called when you don’t have a job.

Definitions

Birth Control: Evasion of the issue.

Definitions

You could have knocked me over with a fender.

Mixed metaphors

He's like a cat out of water

Mixed metaphors

Balanced Diet: A cookie in each hand.

Definitions

When you go into court you are putting yourself in the hands of 12 people that weren’t smart enough to get out of jury duty.

Government Intelligence Law

“Who left the toilet seat down?” Tom asked peevishly.

Tom Swifties

Lets see who takes the bite on that.

Mixed metaphors