Author: Anonymous Page 55

Penicillin: What to give a man who has everything.

Definitions Health Wordplay

The walls of medieval cathedrals were supported by flying buttocks.

Malaprops

Chicken: An egg's way of making more eggs.

Animals

Bald: When one has less hair to comb but more face to wash.

Appearance Definitions

“Sorry about that butt call,” he said cheekily.

Tom Swifties

Shyster: The other fellow’s lawyer.

Definitions Lawyers

Dating: An elaborate prelude to mating that fulfills much the same function as the sniffing ritual in dogs, but without its forthright honesty.

Dating Definitions Relationships

Parking Space: A place occupied by someone already there.

Miscellaneous

My girlfriend and I often laugh about how competitive we are… but I laugh more.

Emotions Laughter

Counterfeiter: A guy who gets into trouble by following a good example.

Definitions

“Let’s sort this out,” Tom ordered.

Tom Swifties

“Let’s eat kosher tonight,” said Tom judiciously.

Tom Swifties

Alimony: The screwing you get for the screwing you got.

Divorce Marriage

Cigarette: A bit of tobacco with a fire at one end and a fool at the other.

Definitions

The trouble with most marriages is after she says ‘I do’, she won’t.

Marriage

When sleeping dogs fly.

Mixed metaphors

Take time to stop and smell the tunnel at the end of the rainbow.

Mixed metaphors

“I only use one herb when I cook,” said Tom sagely.

Tom Swifties

He is so poor… he can't even pay attention.

Exaggerations Money Poverty

Alcohol is the anesthesia by which we endure the operation of life.

Alcohol Food/Drink Health Life

Bored: To attend meetings.

Definitions