Author: Anonymous Page 67

“Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays I sleep in a wigwam; Tuesdays, Thursdays, and weekends I sleep in a teepee”, said Tom very attentively.

Tom Swifties

Gossip: Something negative that is developed and then enlarged.

Definitions

Don't get insulted, but is your job devoted to spreading ignorance?

Insults Intelligence

Which way are the tea leaves blowing?

Mixed metaphors

Many a man who misses an anniversary catches it later.

Marriage

He's trying to gain a foothold in the public eye.

Mixed metaphors

Gossip: Anything that goes in one ear and over the back fence.

Communication Definitions Speech

Four-letter Word: Par for the coarse.

Definitions Golf Language Sports

“Rowing so much hurts my hands,” said Tom callously.

Tom Swifties

Chicken: An egg's way of making more eggs.

Animals

Not without a grain of sugar

Mixed metaphors

He's too lazy to scratch his own ass.

Characteristics Expressions

Conscience: An inner voice that warns us somebody is watching.

Definitions

He is so stupid… he got fired from an M&M factory for throwing out all the W's.

Exaggerations Intelligence Stupidity

The more you complain, the longer God makes you live.

Characteristics God Life

Tact: The knack of making a point without making an enemy.

Communication Definitions

It's a mute point.

Malaprops

He’s a wolf in cheap clothing.

Malaprops

Donation: A country full of female deer.

Definitions

We could stand here and talk until the cows turn blue.

Mixed metaphors

Keep your ear to the grindstone.

Mixed metaphors