Author: Anonymous Page 85

Cheerfulness: The art of concealing your true feelings.

Definitions Emotions Happiness

News: The same thing happening today that happened yesterday, but to different people.

Definitions

“I have three houses, and I’m going to buy another,” said Tom forebodingly.

Tom Swifties

Bragging: The patter of tiny feats.

Definitions

Life Insurance: A contract that keeps you poor all your life so you can die rich.

Definitions Money

Damp weather is very hard on the sciences.

Malaprops

Insomnia: contagious disease often transmitted from babies to parents.

Activities Definitions Sleep

B-Negative: A pessimist’s blood type.

Definitions

Always be nice to people on the way up because you'll meet the same people on the way down.

Characteristics People Success

The future of the church depends on passing the torch to the next generation.

Mixed metaphors

Conference: A meeting at which people talk about what they should already be doing.

Definitions

Education: What you have left over when you subtract what you’ve forgotten from what you learned.

Definitions Education

Psychology: The science that tells you what you already know in words you can’t understand.

Definitions Science/Weather

“They had to amputate them both at the ankles,” said Tom defeatedly.

Tom Swifties

Borrow money from pessimists; they don't expect it back.

Characteristics Money

Hell is a place where the motorists are French, the policemen are German, and the cooks are English.

England

After all is said and done, more is said than done.

Communication Speech

“Let’s spice it up,” said Tom gingerly.

Tom Swifties

Beauty parlor: A place where women curl up and dye.

Definitions

A day without sunshine is like… well, night.

Situations Time

Let's not put all of our cookies in a basket.

Mixed metaphors