Author: Anonymous Page 85

Arthritis: Twinges in the hinges.

Definitions Health

It's like a wizard in sheep's clothing.

Mixed metaphors

Teacher: A person who swore she would starve before teaching, and who has been doing both ever since.

Definitions Education

He was just a splash in the pan.

Mixed metaphors

Hypochondriac: One who enjoys poor health, then complains of feeling better.

Definitions Health

Poise: The act of raising the eyebrows instead of the roof.

Definitions

“I’m about to hit the golf ball,” Tom forewarned.

Tom Swifties

You can always tell luck from ability by its duration.

Success

Democracy is mob rule, but with income taxes.

Democracy Government Taxes

Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.

Age Beliefs Honesty Lies

Teenagers: People who express a burning drive to be different by dressing alike.

Age Definitions

Delayed Payment: A tourniquet applied at the pockets.

Definitions Money

Angler: A man who spends rainy days sitting around on the muddy banks of rivers doing nothing because his wife won’t let him do it at home.

Activities Definitions

Cat: A lap warmer with a built-in buzzer.

Animals Cats Definitions

The rain was coming down in droves!

Mixed metaphors Science/Weather

Once you open a can of worms, they always come home to roost.

Mixed metaphors

Adolescence: That period when children feel their parents should be told the facts of life.

Age Definitions

Acute Alcoholic: An attractive drunk.

Alcohol Definitions

Divorce: Going through a change of wife.

Definitions Divorce Marriage

Economist: A man who knows more about money than the people who have it.

Definitions Occupations People

“I am removing the lining of my gloves,” Tom deferred.

Tom Swifties