Author: Anonymous Page 86

Farmer: The only man who can lose money every year, live well, educate his children, and then die rich.

Definitions

I used to be schizophrenic, but we're OK now.

Health

Paunch: A bulging trunk.

Appearance Body Definitions

“Employees are not permitted to have sex on company furniture,” Tom shouted, banging on the table.

Tom Swifties

We're robbing Peter to pay the piper.

Mixed metaphors

Satan: The scarecrow in the religious cornfield.

Beliefs Definitions Religion

“Some of my windows were broken in the storm,” he said, pained.

Tom Swifties

Alas: Early Victorian for, “Oh, Hell.”

Communication Definitions Language

Consultation: A medical term meaning “share the wealth.”

Definitions

“The food here is terrible,” he muttered, swallowing his words.

Tom Swifties

Bra: Decoration draped by your wife over the shower curtain rod in the bathroom.

Clothing Definitions

“This blood-sucking insect likes French cheese,” said Tom briefly.

Tom Swifties

“This salad dressing has too much vinegar,” said Tom acidly.

Tom Swifties

He was in cardial arrest.

Health Malaprops

Sympathy: What one usually gives to a friend or relative when he doesn’t want to lend him money.

Definitions Emotions

Legal: Used to mean lawful; now it means some kind of loophole.

Definitions Government Law

People were streaming out of town to escape the floods.

Mixed metaphors

Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband!

Husbands Marriage

Suntan: A pigment of your imagination.

Definitions

They live in a beautiful apartment overlooking their rent.

Money Situations Things

Charm: That indefinable something possessed by girls with stunning figures.

Appearance Definitions