Author: Anonymous Page 9

“My bicycle wheel is melting,” Tom spoke softly.

Tom Swifties

Fern: A plant that you’re supposed to water once a day, and when you don’t it dies, but if you do it dies anyway, only not so soon.

Definitions

Experience : The name men give to their mistakes.

Definitions Mistakes

Never ask a barber if he thinks you need a haircut.

Beliefs Opinion

“I’m burning aromatic substances,” said Tom, incensed.

Tom Swifties

I am sorry to say that my affluence over my niece is very small.

Malaprops

There was a young man from Peru

Whose limericks stopped at line two.

Communication Wordplay

Bald: When one has less hair to comb but more face to wash.

Appearance Definitions

“There must be a power cut,” said Tom delightedly.

Tom Swifties

Tact: The ability to describe others as they see themselves.

Communication Definitions

Hindsight: What one experiences from changing too many diapers.

Definitions

“You’re busted!” said the policeman to Miss Parton.

Tom Swifties

So crosseyed, she could look at her own head.

Appearance Expressions

If knees were backwards, what would chairs look like?

Things

Small Town: A place where everybody knows the troubles you’ve seen.

Definitions Places

“I didn’t look at all!” Tom peeped.

Tom Swifties

Punctuality: Waiting around for other people.

Definitions

Patron: A customer who doesn't ask prices.

Definitions

She’s a tall drink of water.

Appearance Body Expressions

Sport: War without killing.

Definitions

“Some you lose,” said Tom winsomely.

Tom Swifties