Author: Anonymous Page 8

If he were alive today, he’d be turning over in his grave.

Mixed metaphors

You look like you have been drug through a knot hole backwards.

Appearance Expressions

It was so cold… I chipped a tooth on my soup.

Cold Exaggerations Science/Weather

Home: A place where a man is free to say anything he pleases because no one pays any attention to him.

Definitions Places

Psychology: The science that tells you what you already know in words you can’t understand.

Definitions Science/Weather

Bigamist: A man who keeps two himself.

Definitions Marriage

I’d like to have a kid, but I’m not sure I’m ready to spend ten years of my life constantly asking someone where his shoes are.

Children Family

Bureaucrat: A Democrat who holds an office that a Republican wants.

Definitions Government Politicians

That’s a kettle of fish of a different color.

Mixed metaphors

That was the last hump on the camel.

Mixed metaphors

Billboards: Litter on a stick.

Definitions

Raising kids is like being pecked to death by a chicken.

Children Expressions Family

Stroke: Any forward movement of the golf club that is made with the intention of hitting and moving the ball and is observed by another golfer.

Definitions Golf Sports

When there's a will, I want to be in it.

Death

“I’ve joined the Airborne Medical Corps,” said Tom paradoxically.

Tom Swifties

Nymphomania: A disease where the patient enjoys being bedridden.

Definitions Sex

An Irishman is not drunk as long as he still has a blade of grass to hang onto.

Alcohol Food/Drink People

“Here’s the story of the Liberty Bell”, Tom told us appealingly.

Tom Swifties

“That just doesn’t add up,” said Tom, nonplussed.

Tom Swifties

Economists are still trying to figure out why the girls with the least principle draw the most interest.

Girls People Wordplay

Black Eye: A stamp of disapproval.

Definitions