Author: Anonymous Page 6

God wisely designed the human body so that we can neither pat our own backs nor kick ourselves too easily.

Beliefs God People Self

“If I die, you get everything,” said Tom willingly.

Tom Swifties

“I can see you,” peeped Tom with his hands over his eyes.

Tom Swifties

Taxpayer: One who doesn’t have to pass a civil service exam to work for the government.

Definitions Government Taxes Work

Fishing License: Permit issued upon payment of a modest fee that allows fishermen to lose lures in a specified area.

Activities Definitions

handle him with kids’ gloves

Malaprops

She is so fat… she broke the family tree.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

Imagination: What puts men in asylums unless they are crazy enough to put it down on paper or canvas.

Definitions

Why spend astronomical amounts on so-called scientific research to go to another planet?

Mixed metaphors

Intelligent conversationalist: One who nods his head in agreement while you’re talking.

Communication Conversation Definitions Intelligence Speech

Adolescence is the time in life when a youngster is well informed about anything he doesn’t have to study.

Age

He was a very immortal person.

Characteristics Malaprops

Dentist: man who lives from hand to mouth.

Definitions Occupations

Stirred the sea into a bowl of boiling cauldron

Mixed metaphors

Worst case Ontario.

Malaprops

You're like a dog barking down the wrong well.

Mixed metaphors

Breeding: Concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person.

Definitions

Death: To stop sinning suddenly.

Death Definitions

Business: Something which, if you don’t have any, you go out of.

Definitions

“I can see through the window,” said Tom stiltedly.

Tom Swifties

Alimony: A splitting headache.

Definitions Marriage