Author: Anonymous Page 94

Keep paying the electricity bill.

Health

I dozed in and off.

Mixed metaphors

“I prefer trout to salmon,” Tom said officiously.

Tom Swifties

I’ll push some strings for you.

Mixed metaphors

Time: The arbitrary division of eternity.

Definitions Time

Originality: The art of concealing your source.

Definitions

Pregnancy: The shape of things to come.

Definitions

She is so old… she used to baby-sit Jesus.

Age Exaggerations Old

Chivalry: A man’s inclination to defend a woman against every man but himself.

Definitions

Auditor: A person who goes in after the war is lost to bayonet the wounded.

Definitions Occupations

By the time a man finds greener pastures, he’s too old to climb the fence.

Age Old Situations

She was drop down gorgeous.

Mixed metaphors

What a terrible cat's after me!

Malaprops

Y Chromosome: The cause of virility, war, baldness, hockey, sex crimes, clever inventions and a disinclination to ask for directions when lost.

Definitions Men People

Callous: Gifted with great fortitude to bear the evils afflicting another.

Characteristics Definitions

Don't get insulted, but is your job devoted to spreading ignorance?

Insults Intelligence

“I’ve been to a film festival in Southern France,” said Tom cannily.

Tom Swifties

Yawn: It’s always dullest just before the yawn.

Definitions Wordplay

He's the pineapple of politeness.

Malaprops

“I’m burning aromatic substances,” said Tom, incensed.

Tom Swifties

They're a legend before their time.

Mixed metaphors