Author: Anonymous Page 94

He’s a man without an island.

Mixed metaphors

He’s a bad influenza on me.

Malaprops

Golf: A pastime that gives people cooped up in the office all week a chance to lie and cheat outdoors.

Definitions Golf Sports

Borrower: A man who tries to live within your means.

Definitions

Penis: The male organ used to write one’s name in snow.

Body Definitions Men

I am having an out-of-money experience.

Communication Wordplay

Sound Sleeper: Someone who snores.

Activities Definitions Sleep

Average Man: A person who doesn’t want much, and usually gets a little less than that.

Definitions People

My doctor stays true to his Apothecary Oath.

Malaprops

Beauty: The power with which a woman charms a lover and terrifies a husband.

Appearance Definitions

Suburbia: Where they tear out the trees and then name streets after them.

Definitions Places

Humility: The ability to act ashamed when you tell people how wonderful you are.

Definitions

Shyster: The other fellow’s lawyer.

Definitions Lawyers

Infant Prodigies: Young people with highly imaginative parents.

Children Definitions Family

“This is the fastest way to get drunk,” said Tom quixotically.

Tom Swifties

Forger: A man who made a name for himself.

Definitions

When you feel that you would like to go back to your youth, think of algebra.

Age Old Young

The head of the body overseeing youth justice…

Mixed metaphors

“Well, I got here with five minutes to spare,” said Tom bitterly.

Tom Swifties

Sleeping dogs bark the loudest.

Mixed metaphors

“If I die, you get everything,” said Tom willingly.

Tom Swifties