Author: Groucho Marx Page 7

Time wounds all heels.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Characteristics Insults Time TV/Movie Quotes

I’m not feeling very well – I need a doctor immediately; ring the nearest golf course.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Doctors Golf Health Sports

Let there be dancing in the streets, drinking in the saloons, and necking in the parlor.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
TV/Movie Quotes

You can leave in a taxi… If you can't get a taxi, you can leave in a huff… if that's too soon, you can leave in a minute and a huff.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
TV/Movie Quotes

Yes, darling, let me cover your face with kisses, on second thought, just let me cover your face.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Appearance Insults

If you want to see a comic strip, you should see me in the shower.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Communication Self Wordplay

I'm not crazy about reality, but it's still the only place to get a decent meal.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Eating Food/Drink

Some people claim that marriage interferes with romance. There’s no doubt about it. Anytime you have a romance, your wife is bound to interfere.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Marriage Relationships Wives

This bear was six foot seven in his stocking feet and had shoes on.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Animals TV/Movie Quotes

With a little study you’ll go a long ways… and I wish you’d start now.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
TV/Movie Quotes

I'm not a vegetarian, but I eat animals who are.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Activities Animals Food/Drink

Room service? … send up a larger room.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
TV/Movie Quotes

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was convulsed with laughter; some day I intend reading it.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Books Reviews/Criticism

Money frees you from doing things you dislike; since I dislike doing nearly everything, money is handy.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Money

I married your mother because I wanted children, imagine my disappointment when you came along.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Insults TV/Movie Quotes

Well, I thought my razor was dull until I heard his speech.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Communication Speech

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them… well, I have others.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Beliefs

It is not necessary to have relatives in Kansas City to be unhappy.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Family Insults Places Relationships

One of the best hearing aids a man can have is an attentive wife.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Marriage Wives

I was married by a judge… I should have asked for a jury.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Marriage

I don’t care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Relationships