Author: Woody Allen Page 6

How is it possible to find meaning in a finite world, given my waist and shirt size?

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Beliefs Characteristics Clothing

Who bothers to cook TV dinners? I suck them frozen.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Cooking Eating Food/Drink TV/Movie Quotes

[After a fight] Yeah, I’m fine. I snapped my chin down onto some guy’s fist and hit another one in the knee with my nose.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Conflict Fights TV/Movie Quotes

I am at two with nature.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Conflict

The only cultural advantage L.A. has over New York is that you can make a right turn on a red light.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Driving New York City Places

I’m pale and I’m redheaded. I don’t tan… I stroke.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Appearance Body

I was thrown out of NYU my freshman year for cheating on my metaphysics final; I looked into the soul of the boy sitting next to me.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Beliefs Education School

When we played softball, I’d steal second base, feel guilty and go back.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Characteristics Sports

The universe is merely a fleeting idea in God's mind – a pretty uncomfortable thought, particularly if you've just made a down payment on a house.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Beliefs God Places

Some drink deeply from the river of knowledge… others only gargle.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Education

I once stole a pornographic book that was printed in Braille; I used to rub the dirty parts.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Sex

As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree' – probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
God

If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Emotions Entertainment Film People Work

My brain? … It’s my second favorite organ.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Sex TV/Movie Quotes

I had two martinis New Years Eve and I tried to hijack an elevator and fly it to Cuba.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Alcohol Food/Drink

Sex alleviates tension; love causes it.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Emotions Love Sex

Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Beliefs God

The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won’t get much sleep.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Animals Conflict Situations Sleep

I don’ t know if you’ ve read my book, “Advanced Sexual Positions: How to Achieve Them Without Laughing.”

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Sex TV/Movie Quotes

Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very little on office supplies.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Money Things Work

Tradition is the illusion of permanence.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Situations Time