Subject: Appearance » Ugly

He is so ugly… he has to sneak up on his mirror.

I told my psychiatrist I keep thinking I’m ugly and he told me to lay on the couch… face down!

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

Last week I stated that this woman was the ugliest woman I had ever seen… I have since been visited by her sister and now wish to withdraw that statement.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

Receiving oral sex from an ugly person is like rock climbing; you should never look down.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer

I’m callin’ you ugly, I could stick yo face in some dough and make some gorilla cookies.

(1922 – 1991) American comedian

He is so ugly… when he walks into the bank they turn off the cameras.

Never pick a fight with an ugly person, they’ve got nothing to lose.

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor

I knew a girl so ugly, I took her to the top of the Empire State building and planes started to attack her.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

When I go to the beach, even the tide won't come in.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress

It is better to be beautiful than to be good, but it is better to be good than to be ugly.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet

The life expectancy of a house plant varies inversely with its price and directly with its ugliness.

She was so ugly that when I bent down to pet her cat it turned out to be the hair on her legs.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

If I had a dog with a face like yours, I’d shave its ass and teach it to walk backward.

(1953 – 1987) Dutch-born American actor

I stuck my head out the window and got arrested for mooning.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

He is so ugly… robbers give him their masks to wear.

We were making love and I took the bag off my head.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director

She was known as a two bagger; that’s when a girl is so ugly that you put a bag over your head in case the bag over her head breaks

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

If the shoe fits, it’s ugly.

She is so ugly… when she goes swimming the tide goes out.

If you have to release bad news to the public, it would help if you are not ugly.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian

She is so ugly… when she walks into a haunted house, she came out with a paycheck.

The Hunger Site