Subject: Appearance » Ugly

When I answer the door the kids hand ME candy.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

My girlfriend was no bargain either; she used to braid her armpits.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

Things could always be worse; for instance, you could be ugly and work in the Post Office.

writer, humorist, columnist & speaker

Fashion is a form of ugliness so intolerable that we have to alter it every six months.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet

My husband was so ugly, he used to stand outside the doctor’s office and make people sick.

(1894 – 1975) American comedian

If the shoe fits, it’s ugly.

She is so ugly… when she goes swimming the tide goes out.

He had better get married soon, because he's getting uglier every day!

Canadian hockey player

If you have to release bad news to the public, it would help if you are not ugly.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian

When I was born I was so ugly the doctor slapped my mother.

(1906 – 1998) English-born American comedian

I told my psychiatrist I keep thinking I’m ugly and he told me to lay on the couch… face down!

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

This girl was ugly. They used her in prisons to cure sex offenders.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

She was so ugly that when I bent down to pet her cat it turned out to be the hair on her legs.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

She is so ugly… she has to trick or treat over the phone.

Receiving oral sex from an ugly person is like rock climbing; you should never look down.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer

He’s so ugly his mother had to borrow a baby to take to church.

I’m so ugly – my father carries around a picture of the kid who came with his wallet.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

He's got a face like the north end of a south bound cow.

I stuck my head out the window and got arrested for mooning.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

Ugly as a moose chewin ice

She is so ugly… when she was born, the doctor slapped the wrong end.