Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, Murphy's Laws, insults & more
Some Popular Authors
Alfred E. Neuman
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Peace: Co-existence or no no existence.
(1872 – 1970) British philosopher, mathematician, historian & social critic
War does not determine who is right – only who is left.
George Bernard Shaw
(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
(also Bertrand Russell)
War is God's way of teaching us geography.
(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
I want you guys to know that if we ever get into real heavy combat… I'll be right behind you guys. Every step of the way.
(1944 – 2014) American actor, director & writer
As Russell Ziskey in “Stripes”
Madonna said that we should pull all of our troops out of Iraq; Donald Rumsfeld said, "No, I think we'd better wait and hear what Britney Spears has to say about it first.”
(1950 – ) comedian & television host
My hope is that gays will be running the world, because then there would be no war… just a greater emphasis on military apparel.
(1952 – ) comedian, actress & writer
Men love war because it allows them to look serious… it is the one thing that stops women laughing at them.
John Robert Fowles
(1926 – 2005) English novelist & essayist
God is not on the side of the big battalions, but on the side of those who shoot best.
(1694 – 1778) French author, humanist & satirist
Starting a war in the name of peace is like poking a hole in a balloon to get more air into it.
Alfred E. Neuman
fictional mascot and cover boy of
, an American humor magazine
Only the winners decide what were war crimes.
(1934 – ) American author, journalist & historian
If our politicians were better at pretending to get along, there wouldn’t be any war.
Marriage is an adventure, like going to war.
(1874 – 1936) English author & mystery novelist
I was thinkin' maybe we should just bomb ourselves so we could upgrade our school system.
(1961 – ) comedian, writer, radio & television personality & blogger
God invented football so grown men would have something to do between wars.
(1929 – ) American author & sportswriter
Going to war without France is like going deer hunting without your accordion.
(1934 – 2012) American army general
The only reason we're not in Iran now is because we're going alphabetically and George Bush can't spell.
(1965 – 2010) American stand-up comedian & television personality
George W. Bush
The time not to become a father is eighteen years before a war.
(1899 – 1985) US author & humorist
The consensus seemed to be that if really large numbers of men were sent to storm the mountain, then enough might survive the rocks to take the citadel; this is essentially the basis of all military thinking.
(1948 – ) English novelist
Peace has its victories no less than war, but it doesn't have as many monuments to unveil.
Frank ‘Kin’ Hubbard
(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist
'Bush and Son: Leading America to War Since 1990.'
(1969 – ) American actress, comedian, producer & writer
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze pilots wore helmets.
actor, writer & editor
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