Subject: Conflict » War

Man should stop fighting among themselves and start fighting insects.

(1849 – 1926) American botanist & horticulturist

The time not to become a father is eighteen years before a war.

(1899 – 1985) US author & humorist

War does not determine who is right – only who is left.

(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist

At this point we should just make it the 51st state: Welcome to Iraqachusetts: live free and die.

(1965 – ) American stand-up comedian, actor, director & author

Madonna said that we should pull all of our troops out of Iraq; Donald Rumsfeld said, "No, I think we'd better wait and hear what Britney Spears has to say about it first.”

(1950 – ) comedian & television host

I know not with what weapons World War III will be fought, but World War IV will be fought with sticks and stones.

(1879 – 1955) German-born physicist

Sometime they'll give a war and nobody will come.

Carl Sandburg (1878 – 1967) biographer & poet

Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy.

Would it be ironic if we had to go back to Iraq to rid it of the Al Quaeda that wasn’t there before we got there to rid it of Al Queda?

(1970 –) American stand-up comedian

My hope is that gays will be running the world, because then there would be no war… just a greater emphasis on military apparel.

(1952 – ) comedian, actress & writer

When I take action, I'm not going to fire a $2 million missile at a $10 empty tent and hit a camel in the butt.

(1946 – ) 43rd U.S. president

God is not on the side of the big battalions, but on the side of those who shoot best.

(1694 – 1778) French author, humanist & satirist

If our politicians were better at pretending to get along, there wouldn’t be any war.

She doesn't understand the concept of Roman numerals; she thought we just fought in world war eleven.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director

Peace: Co-existence or no no existence.

(1872 – 1970) British philosopher, mathematician, historian & social critic

The surest way to become a pacifist is to join the infantry.

(1921 – 2003) American editorial cartoonist

Love is like war: easy to begin but very hard to stop.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist

America never lost a war or won a peace conference.

(1886 – 1969) American journalist & humorist

The best armor is to keep out of range.

Men are brave enough to go to war, but they are not brave enough to get a bikini wax.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer

I don't know why people are surprised that France won't help us get Saddam out of Iraq; after all, France wouldn’t help us get the Germans out of France!


(1950 – ) comedian & television host