Subject: Conflict » War

She doesn't understand the concept of Roman numerals; she thought we just fought in world war eleven.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director

Marriage is an adventure, like going to war.

(1874 – 1936) English author & mystery novelist

The best armor is to keep out of range.

Death has a tendency to encourage a depressing view of war.

(1932 – ) American businessman & U.S. Secretary of Defense

If we had less statesmanship we could get along with fewer battleships.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

If you are short of everything except enemy, you are in combat.

Sometime they'll give a war and nobody will come.

Carl Sandburg (1878 – 1967) biographer & poet

Marriage is the only war in which you sleep with the enemy.

I have given two cousins to war and I stand ready to sacrifice my wife’s brother.

Charles Farrar Browne (1834 – 1867) humorist

The only time suppressive fire works is when it is used on abandoned positions.

I don't know why people are surprised that France won't help us get Saddam out of Iraq; after all, France wouldn’t help us get the Germans out of France!


(1950 – ) comedian & television host

I can picture in my mind a world without war, a world without hate; and I can picture us attacking that world, because they’d never expect it.

(1949 – ) comedy writer & humorist

Would it be ironic if we had to go back to Iraq to rid it of the Al Quaeda that wasn’t there before we got there to rid it of Al Queda?

(1970 –) American stand-up comedian

If our politicians were better at pretending to get along, there wouldn’t be any war.

My hope is that gays will be running the world, because then there would be no war… just a greater emphasis on military apparel.

(1952 – ) comedian, actress & writer

How is it possible to have a civil war?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

Sometimes I think war is God’s way of teaching us geography.

(1955 – ) Mexican-American comedian & actor

War is God's way of teaching us geography.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

Do not needlessly endanger your lives until I give you the signal.

(1890 – 1969) 34th U.S. president, U.S. Army General

Men are brave enough to go to war, but they are not brave enough to get a bikini wax.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer

A citizen of America will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, but won’t cross the street to vote in a national election.

(1915 – 1977) columnist, writer & actor

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