Quotes and One Liners
humorous quotations, expressions, proverbs, headlines & more
Some Popular Authors
Alfred E. Neuman
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As anyone who has ever been around a cat for any length of time well knows, cats have enormous patience with the limitations of the human kind.
(1917 – 1998) author, critic, animal rights activist
If men could get pregnant,abortion would be a sacrament.
(1916 – 2000) American lawyer & activist
Man forgives woman anything save the wit to outwit him.
(1861 – 1950) American writer
The French, they say, live to eat; the English, on the other hand, eat to die.
(1949 – ) English novelist
It’s amazing the fans want to see me play; it’s kind of scary; I guess that’s what’s wrong with our society.
professional baseball player
On being named to the All-star team
The quickest way to know a woman is to go shopping with her.
They added up all the people in this country who consider themselves a minority and it added up to more than the population of the country.
(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator
I diagnosed my loneliness as premature empty nest syndrome.
(1978 – ) American actress, writer & comedian
Boys are capital fellows in their own way, among their mates but they are unwholesome companions for grown people.
(1775 – 1834) English critic & essayist
Eventually soul mates meet, for they have the same hiding place.
I am a man of my word… and that word is “unreliable.”
(1973 – ) American comedian
I’m thrilled that the American people stopped him from running this time; as a citizen, I’m happy about that, but as a comic, I weep.
(1948 – ) stand-up comedian, actor, author & playwright
If you were to second guess your decision to book time at a Native American community, that would be a reservation reservation reservation.
(1957 – ) American comedian
Latins for Republicans… it’s like roaches for >Raid.
(1964 – ) Colombian-American actor, producer, playwright & screenwriter
Far-away talent always seems better than home-developed talent.
Loftus's Theory on Personnel Recruitment
The trouble with Ian [Fleming] is that he gets off with women because he can’t get on with them.
(1901 – 1990) British novelist
Here's to Johnny quite a guy. Very sad he had to die. All was well could not be better, Till he wrote my girl a letter.
A committee can make a decision that is dumber than any of its members.
About all some men accomplish in life is to send a son to Harvard.
Edgar Watson Howe
(1853 – 1937) journalist, writer & editor
Adding manpower to a late technology project only makes it later.
Nobody thought Mel Gibson could play a Scot but look at him now! – alcoholic and a racist!
(1972 – ) Scottish comedian
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