Subject: TV/Movie Quotes

TV/Movie Quotes:

Humorous lines from television, film and fictional characters
                         (click on name for more quotes by that character)

[preparing to dynamite the gopher tunnel] In the immortal words of Jean Paul Sartre, ‘Au revoir, gopher.’

(1950 – ) American actor & comedian

He who laughs last, laughs west.

(1971 – ) American actress

There must be a mistake: you’ve accidentally given me the food my food eats.

(1970 – ) American actor, writer & carpenter

Dr. Frankenstein: You know, I’m a rather brilliant surgeon. Perhaps I can help you with that hump.

Igor: What hump?

(1934 – 1982) English writer, comedian & actor

You're trying to make me mad. Well, it didn't work on our wedding night and it won't work now.

(1954 – ) American actress & singer-songwriter

I refuse to go out with a man whose ass is smaller than mine.

(1960 – ) American actress

And if you had what other men have, I wouldn't need batteries anymore.

(1954 – ) American actress & singer-songwriter

If Bush’s [overall approval ratings] don’t improve, he could become the first president held back and forced to repeat his presidency.

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer

Ned, I would love to stay here and talk with you… but I’m not going to.

(1950 – ) American actor & comedian

[of her husband Frank] He hates it when I cry. It reminds him of our wedding night.

(1925) American actress

We can hike anytime; this is our chance to see cars driving.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

Sugar: Water polo? Isn’t that terribly dangerous?

Junior: I’ll say. I had two ponies drown under me.

(1925 – 2010) American film actor

It ain’t German to the conversation. It ain’t supposed to make sense; it’s faith. Faith is something that you believe that nobody in his right mind would believe.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)


television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)

Edward Lewis: You can’t charge me for directions!

Vivian: I can do anything I want to baby, I ain’t lost.

(1967 – ) American actress & producer

We played strip chess. She had me down to my shorts and I fainted from tension.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian


television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)

Fame was like a drug, but what was even more like a drug were the drugs.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

The Zen philosopher Basha once wrote, ‘A flute with no holes, is not a flute. A donut with no hole, is a Danish.’

(1943 – ) American comedian, writer & actor

If God didn't want us to eat animals, then why'd he make them so tasty?

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

You're makin more racket than an empty wagon on a froze-over road.

(1908 – 2003) American actor & dancer

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