Subject: TV/Movie Quotes

TV/Movie Quotes:

Humorous lines from television, film and fictional characters
                         (click on name for more quotes by that character)

Never half-ass two things; whole-ass one thing.

(1970 – ) American actor, writer & carpenter

Esther Clavin: The last thing I want to see is my son’s face on the 11 o’clock news.

Carla: There’s an entire city that agrees with you.

(1947 – ) American actor & entrepreneur

You wear the pants, Liz. You don’t necessarily pull them off, because of your hips, but you wear them.

(1968 – ) American actress & singer

Great job, everyone. The reception will be held in each of our individual houses, alone.

(1970 – ) American actor, writer & carpenter

It's so hot, you can lay an egg on the sidewalk.

(1971 – ) American actress

Huntington Beach, California this past weekend was the site of the second annual Surf City Surf Dog competition… or as the sharks call it…‘Thanksgiving’.

(1973 – ) American comedian, actor & television host

If peeing in your pants is cool, consider me Miles Davis.


Once the trust goes out of a relationship, it’s really no fun lying to them anymore.

George Wendt (1948 – ) American actor

Amazing tradition. They throw a great party for you on the one day they know you can’t come.

(1952 – ) American actor

Diane: Name calling, the last refuge of the monosyllabic.

Carla: I don’t know what that means but I heard slob in there.

(1948 – ) American actress

The Zen philosopher Basha once wrote, ‘A flute with no holes, is not a flute. A donut with no hole, is a Danish.’

(1943 – ) American comedian, writer & actor

You’re a hooker? Jesus, I forgot! I just thought I was doing great with you!

(1935 – 2002) English actor, comedian, composer & musician

Fester, I hope one day you feel the indescribable joy of having kids, and having someone else raise them.

(1940 – 1994) Puerto Rican actor

Kelly: Topeka! I have found it!
Peggy: I don’t think you mean “Topeka.”
Kelly: Oh yeah. Urethra! I have found it!

(1971 – ) American actress

I am blind like the mighty oak.

(1971 – ) American actress

Coach: Beer, Normie?

Norm: Coach: I don’t know. I’ll have one next week… what the heck, I’m young.

George Wendt (1948 – ) American actor

Do you know how hard it is to find a decent man in this town? Most of them think monogamy is some kind of wood.

(1962 – ) American actress

[on George Burns’s 100th birthday] I don’t know the secret to his longevity, but I think I speak for all of us when I say I hope Pauly Shore doesn’t know it either.

(1963 – ) Canadian writer, actor & stand-up comedian

I never smoked a cigarette until I was nine.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

You’d think I was Lazarus rising from the bed.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)

Look at you, you’re white as a goat.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)

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