Subject: TV/Movie Quotes

TV/Movie Quotes:

Humorous lines from television, film and fictional characters
                         (click on name for more quotes by that character)

Sam: What’d you like Normie?

Norm: A reason to live. Give me another beer.

George Wendt (1948 – ) American actor

Women are like elephants to me: nice to look at, but I wouldn’t want to own one.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

No, no, you’ve always had that wrong about me. I really am this shallow.

(1960 – ) English actor

Feed a cold, starve for pizza. Starve a pizza, eat cold feet.

(1971 – ) American actress

One of those digitalis clocks.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)

Woman: I need shoes.

Al: Blacksmith's right around the corner.

(1946 – ) American actor

You’re a hooker? Jesus, I forgot! I just thought I was doing great with you!

(1935 – 2002) English actor, comedian, composer & musician

What was I thinking when I said “I do”? I’d already had sex with her; I didn’t need that again.

(1946 – ) American actor

I think I've figured this balloon thing out, Marge. It can go up and down, but not side to side or back in time.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

I just wish once someone would call me "Sir" without adding, "You're making a scene."

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

Linda: Would you like us to call a doctor?

Allan: No, no, I could use a three foot band-aid.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian

Basically you're saying marriage is just a way of getting out of an embarrassing pause in conversation.

(1960 – ) English actor

Is a bear Catholic?

(1971 – ) American actress

Al: Anything for dinner, Peg?

Peg: Get a wife!

(1954 – ) American actress & singer-songwriter

Truth hurts… maybe not as much as jumping on a bicycle with the seat missing… but it hurts.

(1926 – 2010) Canadian actor

That is the squaw that stroke the camel’s sack.

(1971 – ) American actress

Incidentally, [Carla] I’ve taken your little wisecracks for a few years now, you hideous gargoyle, and if you ever open that gateway to hell you call a mouth in my direction again, I’ll snap off your extremities like dead branches and feed them to you at gunpoint.

(1958 – ) American actress, musician & dancer

Imported from a little town in Italy… Fresno.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)

Nothing Eyetalian because it causes garlic stones.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)

Whenever I’m caught between two evils, I take the one I never tried.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol

Diane: And everyone knows that hate is not the opposite of love. Indifference is.
Sam: Well, whatever you say. I really don’t care.

(1947) is an American actor, author & producer