Subject: TV/Movie Quotes

TV/Movie Quotes:

Humorous lines from television, film and fictional characters
                         (click on name for more quotes by that character)

That’s the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me.

(1954 – ) comedian & television actor

We're on a mission from God.

(1952 – ) Canadian comedian, actor, screenwriter & singer

You’re just wasting your breath, and that’s no great loss either.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

Lou: Ted, just-just skip to the finish of the dream. Tell us how it ended.

Ted: Oh like all my dreams end, with Marlo Thomas and Winston Churchill applauding me.

(1923 – 1986) American actor

And I can sum it all up in just one word: courage, dedication, daring, pride, pluck, spirit, grit, mettle, and G-U-T-S, ‘guts’. Why, Ted Striker’s got more guts in his little finger than most of us have in our large intestine, including the colon!


Like the old adverb you can lead a gift horse to the water but ya can't look in his mouth.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)

You got a very warfed sense of humor.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)

That woman’s as cold as a nudist on an iceberg.

cartoon character (Mel Blanc)

[Suzanne modeling a fur pull-over] Protestor: 50 animals died because of that coat!

Suzanne: Wanna make it 51?

(1956 – ) American actress, comedian, producer & author

Jack: We are lovers.

Liz: That word bums me out unless it’s between the words “meat” and “pizza”.

(1970 – ) American actress, comedian, writer & producer

“Do you know who I used to be?”

(1915 – 1977) American actor of stage and screen

I hate the beach. I hate the sun. I’m pale and I’m redheaded. I don't tan – I stroke!

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian

Pugsley: We're not shy!

Wednesday: We're contagious.

(1980 – ) American actress

I described you in terms which were positively glowing, which is exactly how I’d like to see you in Hell.

(1958 – ) American actress, musician & dancer

If I could say a few words… I would be a better public speaker.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

It really kind of infilterates the no-strils.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)

Edward Lewis [after Vivian] answers his call]: I told you not to pick up the phone.
Vivian: Then stop calling me.

(1967 – ) American actress & producer

Marge, every time I learn something new it pushes something old out of my brain. Remember that time I learned how to make wine and forgot how to drive?

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

The ability to witness two men stand toe to toe in the spirit of sportsmanship and pummel each other into insensibility is what separates us from the animals.

(1938 – ) American actor

No taxation without regimentation.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)

Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
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