Subject: TV/Movie Quotes

TV/Movie Quotes:

Humorous lines from television, film and fictional characters
                         (click on name for more quotes by that character)

Coach: What’s going on, Norm?

Norm: Science is seeking a cure for thirst and I happen to be the guinea pig.

George Wendt (1948 – ) American actor

I always get the feeling that when lesbians are looking at me, they’re thinking, “That’s why I’m not a heterosexual.”

(1959 – ) American actor, director, writer, singer & comedian

Bring the dog, I love animals. I’m a great cook.

(1947 – ) American actress

You seem nervous. I could give you something for that. Ah, but you know what? I’m not supposed to have sex with my patients.

(1967 – ) American actor

Wearing a Yamaha

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)

Sam: Haven’t you got customers to be waiting on?
Diane: You ended that sentence with a preposition.
Sam: Haven’t you got customers to be waiting on, Mullet-head?

(1947) is an American actor, author & producer

Straight down the middle. No hook, no spin, no fuss. Anything more and this becomes figure skating.

(1970 – ) American actor, writer & carpenter

I never smoked a cigarette until I was nine.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

For years I wouldn’t kiss my mother-in-law on the cheek… and I end up kissing her ass!

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

Did you see how leathery he was? He was like a saddlebag with eyes!

(1948 – ) comedian, actor, writer, producer & film director

Lilith: Well, I’m off. I don’t know what the future holds. Whatever happens, I only hope I can realize my full potential. To acquire things the old Lilith never had.

Carla: Like a body temperature?

(1948 – ) American actress

George: Oh, sir, just one thing – if we should happen to tread on a mine, what do we do?

Blackadder: Well, normal procedure, Lieutenant, is to jump 200 feet into the air and scatter yourself over a wide area.

(1955 – ) English actor

We Romans are rich. We’ve got a lot of gods. We’ve got a god for everything. The only thing we don’t have a god for is premature ejaculation but I hear that’s coming quickly.

(1926 – ) film director, screenwriter, composer, comedian, actor & producer

Don’t torture yourself, Gomez… that’s my job.

(1951 – ) American actress & director

Maybe my mind chewed off more than the mind should bite.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)

Farm: A hunk of land on which, if you get up early enough mornings and work late enough nights, you’ll make a fortune – if you strike oil on it.

(1896 – 1988) American actor

Never half-ass two things; whole-ass one thing.

(1970 – ) American actor, writer & carpenter

Eddie: [to Saffy] Oh, darling, Mummy loves you. On the day you were born I knew I wanted you…

Patsy: However, the day after…

(1946 – ) English actress, model & author

E before O except before E-I-E-I-O.

(1971 – ) American actress

Gomez: Children, why do you hate the baby?
Pugsley: We don't hate him. We just wanna play with him.
Wednesday: Especially his head.

(1980 – ) American actress

Boris: How many lovers do you have?

Sonja: In the mid-town area?

1946 – ) American film actress, director & producer
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