Subject: TV/Movie Quotes

TV/Movie Quotes:

Humorous lines from television, film and fictional characters
                         (click on name for more quotes by that character)

Science was my most favorite subject, especially the Old Testament.

(1973 – ) American actor

You know what they say, misery is the best company.

(1923 – 2013) American actress

Prosecutor: Dr. Stone, would you give the court your impression of Mr. Striker?
Dr. Stone: I’m sorry, I don’t do impressions… my training is in psychiatry.

(1932 – 2005) Canadian actor

It’s not the men in your life that matters, it’s the life in your men.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol

Morticia: You have gone too far. You have married Fester. You have destroyed his spirit. You have taken him from us. All that I could forgive. But, Debbie…
Debbie: What?
Morticia: Pastels?

(1951 – ) American actress & director

You’ll be turned into a pillow of salt.

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)

If he's so smart, how come he's dead?

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

He's so crooked he uses a corkscrew for a ruler.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol

I'm just like any modern woman trying to have it all. Loving husband, a family. It's just… I wish I had more time to seek out the dark forces and join their hellish crusade.

(1951 – ) American actress & director

Her lips were saying no, but her eyes were saying, “read my lips.”

(1959 – ) American actor

Sam: [angry] You want to know the truth? It wasn’t four honeys. It was four hundred women… easy.

Diane: [coolly] They’d have to be.

(1949 – ) American actress

And this is your grandson, huh? Oh, wonderful boy! Yeah, he’s a good boy. Now I know why tigers eat their young.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

Mr. West, not every situation requires your patented approach of shoot first, shoot later, shoot some more and then when everybody’s dead, try to ask a question or two.

(1947 – ) American stage & screen actor

The French have launched their own version of Google, called Quaero; you just type in the subject you’re interested in, and Quaero refuses to look it up for you.

(1971 – ) American actress, comedian, producer & writer

We went skinny dipping and we did things that frightened the fish.

(1967 – ) American actress & producer

Hello?… room service… bring up enough ice to cool a warm body.

(1887 – 1961) comedian, actor & member of the Marx Brothers

Whenever Mrs Kissel breaks wind, we beat the dog.

(1917 – 2000) American actor, composer, pianist & singer

I don’t know why I ever come in here. Flies get the best of everything!

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Dr Ray Stantz: Hey… Where these stairs go?

Dr. Peter Venkman: They go up!

(1950 – ) American actor & comedian

They just wanna get rid of us old guys over 50 that’s all, and put us out to pasture. Well I ain’t ready to be pasteurized!

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)

It was announced Thursday that the Army will allow recruits to sign up for just 15 months of active duty; if that doesn’t work, the military will try renaming Iraq ‘Super Cancun.’

(1971 – ) American actress, comedian, producer & writer

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