Subject: Activities » Drugs (Page 3)

I’m addicted to placebos; I’d give them up, but it wouldn’t make any difference.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

Because of acid, I now know that butter is way better than margarine.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian

Study: Ecstasy Causes Brain Damage

Without drugs, I would have never got my job… selling drugs.


Fame was like a drug, but what was even more like a drug were the drugs.

cartoon character in The Simpsons (Dan Castellaneta)

I tried cocaine to lose weight… it just made me eat faster.

(1953 – ) American comedian & actor

My friend died doing what he loved… heroin.

Canadian-American comedian, writer & columnist

There’s no such thing as addiction, there’s only things that you enjoy doing more than life.

(1967 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor

You might be a redneck if… you see a sign that says "Say No To Crack" and it reminds you to pull your jeans up.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality

Follow seven beers with a couple of Scotches and a thimble of good marijuana, and it's funny how sleep just sort of comes on its own.

(1921 – 2001) Welsh comedian & singer

Let me ask you… would crack be so bad, and would people think so harshly of crack, if it were called 'crackle'?

(1968 – ) American actor & comedian

I've been doing the Fonda workout: the Peter Fonda workout; that's where I wake up, take a hit of acid, smoke a joint, and run to my sister's house and ask her for money.

(1956 – 2016) American stand-up comedian & actor

I used to do drugs; I still do, but I used to, too.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian

Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it’s the scenic route.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

Someone stole my antidepressants; whoever they are, I hope they’re happy.


I don’t do drugs anymore – than, say, the average touring funk band.

(1961 – 1994) comedian

Some people think I’m high on stage; I would never get high before a show, because, when I’m high, I don’t wanna stand in front of a bunch of people I don’t know.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian

If I drop out of school, where am I gonna find drugs?

Palestinian/American comedian

I didn’t intend for this to take on a political tone; I’m just here for the drugs.

(1921 – ) former First Lady of the United States & actress

There are three side effects of acid; enhanced long term memory, decreased short term memory… and I forget the third.


Sometimes I'm so bored at a party, I'll slip myself a roofie.

comedian & author