Subject: Activities (Page 17)

I want to ride in a cold air balloon; “This isn’t going anywhere!”

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Activities Situations

I sink, therefore I swam.

Activities Communication Wordplay

In order to live off a garden, you practically have to live in it.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist
Activities

There’s a fine line between fishing and standing on the shore looking like an idiot.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Activities Fools Sports

If you want to know what you’ll look like in ten years, look in the mirror after you’ve run a marathon.

American cardiologist & marathoner
Activities Age Appearance Old

I was skydiving horizontally.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Activities

Limit: Maximum number of a particular fish that an angler can take in a day. This number varies from place to place and species to species, but it is a largely theoretical restriction with little practical application.

Activities Definitions

To get back my youth I would do anything in the world, except take exercise, get up early, or be respectable.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Activities Age Exercise Young

I asked my wife, “last night, were you faking it?” She said, “No, I was really sleeping.”

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Activities Sex Sleep

Under an assumed name.

(1889 – 1961) Am. playwright, theater director & producer & humorist
Activities

There are plenty of good five cent cigars in the country… the trouble is they cost a quarter.

(1881 – 1960) American columnist
Activities Money

I go from stool to stool in singles bars hoping to get lucky, but there's never any gum under any of them.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Activities

Someone stole my antidepressants; whoever they are, I hope they’re happy.


Activities Drugs

The Piper Cub is the safest airplane in the world; it can just barely kill you.

(1910 – 1999) American test pilot (Northrup Aircraft)
Activities

The last time I drank, I drove into a ditch, which doesn't sound like that big of a deal, but I stopped at the ditch, looked left and right, then drove into the ditch.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Alcohol Autos Driving Situations

Short Vacation: Half a loaf.

Activities Definitions

I also smoke a lot of pot… occasionally… every day.

(1966 – ) American actor, musician & comedian
Activities Drugs

If your wife wants to learn to drive, don’t stand in her way.

(1911 – 1980) humorist, writer, television host & journalist
Autos Driving Marriage Wives

We have only one person to blame, and that’s each other.

professional hockey player
Activities Hockey Misspokements

I ran three miles today… finally I said, ‘Lady take your ‘purse.'

(1956 – ) American comedian
Activities Exercise

Hot Potato is a very different game when the people playing are starving.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Activities Food/Drink Games