Subject: Activities (Page 17)

Study: Ecstasy Causes Brain Damage

Drugs Headlines Health

My wife… a great driver, she once hit a deer. It was in a zoo. There are a pair of shoes on the dashboard. they belong to the last guy she hit.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Activities Driving

Self-abuse is the sincerest kind.

David Gerrold (1944 – ) science fiction author
Activities Self Sex

All buses heading in the opposite direction drive off the face of the earth and never return.

Activities Murphy’s Laws Travel

At the gym; I’ve given up trying to get in really good shape, and re-committed myself to not getting any worse.

American comedian & actor
Activities

I was just vacationing in Amsterdam, where prostitution is legal; let me rephrase that – I was just vacationing in Amsterdam because prostitution is legal.

American comedian & writer
Activities Places Travel

He hasn’t an enemy in the world – but all his friends hate him.

(1892 – 1964) singer, dancer, comedian, actor & songwriter
Friends Insults People Shopping

A libertarian is just a Republican who takes drugs.

(1951 – ) American anarchist writer
Drugs Government People Politics

I'm an ice sculptor – last night I made a cube… this morning I made 12

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Activities Things

I found an old swimming suit that I had made out of sponges; I remember one time I wore it in a pool, then I left and no one could go swimming until I came back.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Activities Situations

I like being married for two reasons: 1) I got really tired of dating, and 2) I got really tired of exercising.

(1959 – ) American stand-up comedian
Dating Exercise Marriage Relationships

I want to ride in a cold air balloon; “This isn’t going anywhere!”

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Activities Situations

Sex is like a game of bridge… if you don't have a good partner, you need a good hand.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Activities Games Sex

Do I lift weights? … Sure, every time I stand up.

(1946 – ) singer, songwriter, author & actress
Activities Appearance Body

Exaggeration: Formal term for a collection of fishermen (i.e. an exaggeration of anglers).

Activities Definitions Language

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one.


Situations Sleep

My nightmares have coming attractions.

(1947 – ) comedian & actor
Activities Sleep

The time to enjoy a European tour is about three weeks after you unpack.

(1672 – 1719) English essasyist, poet & politician
Activities Places Travel

Have ever played Strip Trivial Pursuit? … what that is… is you, sitting on a chair with no clothes on, feeling fat, watching someone fully clothed beat you at Trivial Pursuit.

(1981 – ) English writer, stand-up comedian & actress
Activities Games

The other day, I was walking my dog around my building… on the ledge.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Activities Dogs

Someone stole my antidepressants; whoever they are, I hope they’re happy.


Activities Drugs