Subject: Activities (Page 18)

I joined Gamblers Anonymous; they gave me 2 to 1 I wouldn't make it!

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Activities

Life’s too short for chess.

(1834 - 1884) - American born British dramatist & actor
Activities Games Life Time

Exercise: The joy of flex.

Activities Definitions Exercise

Too much of a good thing can be taxing.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Activities Sex

Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it’s the scenic route.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Activities Drugs

I was sleeping the other night, alone, thanks to the exterminator.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Activities Animals Sleep

I don’t know if you’ve ever fallen asleep whilst eating a plate of cauliflower, and then woken up, and thought you were in the clouds.

(1964 – ) English comedian
Activities Situations Sleep

The only time a woman has a true orgasm is when she’s shopping.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Activities Shopping

Bus schedules are arranged so your bus will arrive at the transfer point precisely one minute after the connecting bus has left.

Activities Murphy’s Laws Time Travel

Show me a man who lives alone and has a perpetually clean kitchen, and 8 times out of 9 I’ll show you a man with detestable spiritual qualities.

(1920 – 1994) German-born author & poet
Beliefs Housework

I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Activities Driving Health

Whenever I go to shave, I assume there's someone else on the planet shaving, so I say, "I'm gonna go shave, too."

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Activities

Scrabble was invented by Nazis to piss off kids with dyslexia.

(1962 – ) English stand-up comedian & actor
Activities Games

When you look like your passport photo, it’s time to go home.

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist
Activities Appearance Travel

When properly administered, vacations do not diminish productivity: for every week you’re away and get nothing done, there’s another when your boss is away and you get twice as much done.

(1869 – 1946) American bridge builder & engineer
Activities Work

Keeping house is as unpleasant and filthy as coal mining, and the pay's a lot worse.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Activities Housework

Bridge: A game which gives women something to try to think about while they are talking.

Activities Definitions Games

Bridge is a friendly game invented by two married couples who disliked each other.

Activities Games

There are two things no man will admit he cannot do well: drive and make love.

(1929 – ) English race car driver
Autos Driving Men People Sex

It was an arranged marriage, put together by drugs and alcohol.

American comedian & television host
Alcohol Drugs Marriage

I played a great horse yesterday; it took seven horses to beat him.

(1906 – 1998) English-born American comedian
Activities Animals