Subject: Activities (Page 23)

It was actually easier for me to become a vegetarian – you know, quitting meat – because your friends never show up at your house with a sack of meat.

(1966 – ) American actor, musician & comedian
Activities Drugs Eating Food/Drink

Fishing: A jerk at one end of the line waiting for a jerk at the other end.

Activities Definitions

Excuse the mess but we live here.

(1952 – ) comedian, actress & writer
Activities Housework

A Smith and Wesson beats four aces.

Arms Games Murphy’s Laws Things

Yoga is basically spending an entire hour trying to not fart.

(1982 – ) American actress & comedian
Activities Time

The saying “Getting there is half the fun” became obsolete with the advent of commercial airlines.


Activities Situations Travel

Dancing with her was like moving a piano.

(1885 – 1933) columnist & writer
Activities Dance Insults

There is such a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so that they can’t get away.

(1965 – ) American stand-up comedian & television host
Activities

It always takes longer to get there than to get back.

Murphy’s Laws Time Travel

My wife wants sex in the back of the car… and she wants me to drive.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Autos Driving Sex

Roulette: A wheel that seldom takes a turn for the bettor.

Activities Definitions Games

Those who live closest arrive latest.

Activities Murphy’s Laws Time Travel

Hosting the Oscars is much like making love to a woman… it's something I only get to do when Billy Crystal is out of town.

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician
Activities Entertainment

I took lessons in bicycle riding, but I could only afford half of them… now I can ride a unicycle.


Activities

No one needs a vacation so much as the person who has just had one.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist
Activities

At 19 miles, when most runners run out of steam and you hit what they call ‘the wall,’ is the exact moment you cross into the South Bronx; so here, they combine running and fleeing.

(1959 – ) American comedian, comedy writer, actor & author
Exercise Places Sports

I can whistle with my fingers, especially if I have a whistle.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Activities

People who say that money can't buy happiness just don't know where to shop.

(1958 – ) Australian author
Emotions Happiness Money People Shopping

If these walls could talk they’d be like ‘damn bitch, you’re back in bed again!?

(1978 – ) American stand-up comedian, actress & writer
Activities Characteristics

But, as my mother used to tell me, two wrongs don't make a right… but I soon figured out that three left turns do.

(1943 – ) U.S. agriculture commissioner, columnist, activist & author
Driving Situations

I used to dread getting older because I thought I would not be able to do all the things I wanted to do, but now that I am older I find that I don't want to do them.

(1879 – 1964) British politician
Activities Age Old