Activities | Just-One-Liners.com

Subject: Activities (Page 24)

I can’t exercise for long; when I get back from a run my girlfriend usually asks if I’ve forgotten something.

Pete Otway

comedian

Activities

You can't smoke in a restaurant in Los Angeles, which is mildly ironic, when you consider the fact that you can't breathe outside a restaurant in Los Angeles.

Greg Proops

(1959 – ) American actor, stand-up comedian & television host

Activities Los Angeles Smoking

If fishing is a religion, fly fishing is high church.

Tom Brokaw

(1940 – ) American television journalist & author

Activities Ffly fishing

Detour: Something that lengthens your mileage, diminishes your gas, and strengthens your vocabulary.

Anonymous

Activities Definitions Travel Detour

You don’t get spoiled if you do your own ironing.

Meryl Streep

(1949 – ) American actress

Activities Housework Ironing Spoiled

If I ever saw an amputee getting hanged, I'd probably just start calling out letters.

Demetri Martin

(1973 – ) American comedian

Activities Games People Amputees Hangman

A vacation frequently means that the family goes away for a rest, accompanied by mother, who sees that the others get it.

Marcelene Cox

writer

Activities Family Mothers Vacations

I hate when my foot falls asleep during the day because I know it will be up all night.

Steven Wright

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer

Situations Sleep Feet

Once again, we come to the holiday season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.

Dave Barry

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist

Activities Beliefs Religion Shopping Holidays

Nature abhors a vacuum… and so do I.

Anne Gibbons

American cartoonist & greeting card illustrator

Housework Situations Things Work Nature Vacuum cleaners

A man who goes into a supermarket for a few items would rather walk around balancing them than put them in one of those little baskets.

Rita Rudner

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer

Activities Men People

Advice to anglers: don't take advice from people with missing fingers.

Henry Beard

(1945 – ) American humorist (co-founder of National Lampoon)

Activities People Sports Anglers Fishing

So drug dealers don’t find it funny when you ask for a receipt?

Gary Gulman

(1970 –) American stand-up comedian

Activities Drugs Situations

… what is your host’s purpose in having a party; surely not for you to enjoy yourself; if that were their sole purpose they’d have simply sent champagne and women over to your place by taxi.

P.J. O'Rourke

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist

Activities Parties

When you arrive at your chosen campsite, it is full.

Barber's Fourth Law of Backpacking

Activities Murphy’s Laws Backpacking Campsites

You can travel fifty thousand miles in America without once tasting a piece of good bread.

Henry Miller

(1891 – 1980) novelist & painter

Activities America Food/Drink Places Travel Bread

If I drop out of school, where am I gonna find drugs?

Aron Kader

Palestinian/American comedian

Activities Drugs School Situations Drop out

Sleep… the most beautiful experience in life – except drink.

W.C. Fields

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer

Alcohol Food/Drink Situations Sleep

It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people: the good ones slept better while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more.

Woody Allen

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian

Characteristics Situations Sleep Bad Good

The slowest checker is always at the quick-check-out lane.

Flugg's Rule

Murphy’s Laws Shopping

Drugs may lead to nowhere, but at least it’s the scenic route.