Subject: Activities (Page 24)

Give a man a fish and he'll eat for a day; teach a man to fish and he'll sit in a boat and drink beer all day.

Activities Beer Food/Drink

Let crack and heroin be manufactured by the pharmaceutical companies, that way nobody can afford them.

American comedian & writer
Activities Drugs

The only cultural advantage L.A. has over New York is that you can make a right turn on a red light.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Driving New York City Places

I daydreamed that I was falling and, just before I hit the ground, I fell asleep.

comedian
Situations Sleep

Some women hold up dresses that are so ugly and they always say the same thing: ‘This looks much better on.’… On what?… On fire?

(1954 – ) American actress & comedian
Activities Clothing Shopping Situations Women

Men who are unhappy, like men who sleep badly, are always proud of the fact.

(1872 – 1970) British philosopher, mathematician, historian & social critic
Emotions Happiness People Situations Sleep

I like parades without missiles in them; I'll take Bullwinkle to a tank any day.

(1951 – ) Soviet-American comedian
Activities

If God dropped acid, would he see people?

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Beliefs Drugs God People

I was having difficulty deciding if I wanted to purchase this bed I was looking at, so the salesman told me… sleep on it.

Jewish-American stand-up comedian & writer
Situations Sleep

It always takes longer to get there than to get back.

Murphy’s Laws Time Travel

You know you are getting older when “Happy Hour” is a nap.

Activities Age Old Sleep

People will buy anything that's one to a customer.

Murphy’s Laws Shopping

Knitting: An exercise that gives women something to do when they are talking.

Activities Definitions

Sucker: Is this a game of chance?

Fields: Not the way I play it, no.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Activities Characteristics Games

He dreamed he was eating shredded wheat and woke up to find the mattress half gone.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian
Food/Drink Situations Sleep

I am pushing sixty… that is enough exercise for me.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Activities Age Exercise

Marriage is an alliance entered into by a man who cannot sleep with window shut, and a woman who cannot sleep with the window open.

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet
Activities Husbands Marriage Relationships Sleep Things Wives

Today is the first day of the rest of my push-up.

(1951 – ) American author, playwright & lyricist
Activities Exercise

People who say they sleep like a baby usually don't have one.


Situations Sleep

I can’t exercise for long; when I get back from a run my girlfriend usually asks if I’ve forgotten something.

comedian
Activities

A libertarian is just a Republican who takes drugs.

(1951 – ) American anarchist writer
Drugs Government People Politics