Subject: Activities (Page 34)

Thank God we’re living in a country where the sky’s the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Activities Shopping

My wife and I can never agree on holidays… I want to fly to exotic places and stay in five-star hotels… and she wants to come with me.

comedian
Activities Travel

Patsy: Well, what am I supposed to do if you die?

Edina: Get cabs!

(1958 – ) English comedian, screenwriter & actress
Driving TV/Movie Quotes

Nothing makes a smoker happier than to see an old person smoking.

(1961 – 1994) comedian
Activities Age Happiness Health Old

Underwater Swimmer: One who practices submersive activitites.

Activities Definitions

Hobby: Something you do to have fun whether you enjoy it or not.

Activities Definitions

The way I see it… If you need both of your hands for whatever it is you’re doing, then your brain should probably be in on it too.

(1958 – ) comedian, actress & television host
Autos Driving Intelligence Things

In life your dreams may not come true, but sooner or later one of your nightmares will.

(1957 – 2007) American stand-up comedian & actor
Activities Problems Sleep

I bet on a horse at ten-to-one; it didn't come in until half-past five.

(1906 – 1998) English-born American comedian
Activities Sports

The first rule of intelligent tinkering is to save all the parts.

Activities Murphy’s Laws

You can’t wake a person who is pretending to be asleep.

Activities Proverbs Sleep

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown, too?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Activities Death People

I didn't quit football because I failed a drug test, I failed a test because I was ready to quit football.

American football player
Activities Drugs Football Sports

I was playing chess with my friend and he said ‘Let’s make this more interesting’ … so we stopped playing chess.

(1980 – ) British comedian
Activities Games

For sincere advice and the correct time, call any number at random at 3:00 a.m.

(1945 – ) comedian, actor, writer, playwright & musician
Activities Sleep Time

The real threat to whales is whaling, which has endangered many whale species.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Activities Animals

I went on a job interview and the lady asked me if I’d pass a drug test; I said, “Yeah, if it’s written.”

American comedian
Drugs Work

We have a sock talking at our commencement; it’s kind of upsetting.

Activities

The quickest way to know a woman is to go shopping with her.

writer
Activities People Shopping Women

Have you ever been dating anyone, and you think they're normal, and all of the sudden, they start freaking out on you?… yelling, 'Untie me!'

television writer, actor
Activities Dating Relationships

How come anything you buy will go on sale next week?

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist
Shopping Situations