Subject: Activities (Page 36)

Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.

(1954 – ) comedian & television actor
Activities Travel

You know it’s time to do the laundry when you dry off with a sneaker.

(1969 – ) comedian & actor
Housework Work

I'm not embarrassed going to a drug store anymore to buy a condom; although, the woman behind the counter said, 'Save your money; buy a lottery ticket.'

(1955 – ) American stand-up comedian
Shopping Situations

The local density of mosquitos is inversely proportional to your remaining repellent.

Activities Murphy’s Laws

I can’t drive an automatic.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Autos Driving Things

One time, I got pulled over at four a.m.; I was fined seventy-five dollars for being intoxicated and four-hundred for being with the Phillies.

(1935 – ) American baseball player, sportscaster, comedian & actor
Baseball Driving Sports

Flying is learning how to throw yourself at the ground and miss.

(1952 – 2001) English writer, dramatist, & musician
Activities Definitions

The difference between light and hard is that you can sleep with a light on.

Situations Sleep

Multitasking: Messing up several chores at the same time.

Activities Definitions

The label "NEW" and/or "IMPROVED" means the price went up.

Murphy’s Laws Shopping Things

Never go to bed mad… stay up and fight.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Activities Conflict Fights Marriage Sleep

The gambling known as business looks with austere disfavor upon the business known as gambling.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Activities Games Money

Exercise: The joy of flex.

Activities Definitions Exercise

The man has not been born for whom I will iron a shirt.

(1939 – ) English actress
Activities Housework Men

Housekeeping ain't no joke.

(1832 – 1888) novelist
Housework Work

All buses heading in the opposite direction drive off the face of the earth and never return.

Activities Murphy’s Laws Travel

You might be a redneck if… you smoked during your wedding.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Activities Marriage People Rednecks

I was playing chess with my friend and he said ‘Let’s make this more interesting’ … so we stopped playing chess.

(1980 – ) British comedian
Activities Games

You know you're too high when you're eating cereal naked and your girlfriend says, 'Put your clothes on,' and then you realize it's not your girlfriend, it's some woman on a bus.

American comedian & actor
Activities Drugs Situations

Get a bicycle’ you will not regret… if you live.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Activities

If God dropped acid, would he see people?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Activities Drugs God People