Subject: Activities (Page 34)

If I seem out of it tonight, it's 'cause I'm hooked on phonics.

comedian
Communication Drugs Language

Road: A strip of land along which one may pass from where it is too tiresome to be to where it is futile to go.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Activities Autos Definitions Things Travel

I do not participate in any sport with ambulances at the bottom of a hill.

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist
Activities Sports

I was going to join the debating team, but somebody talked me out of it.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Activities Communication Speech

Study: Ecstasy Causes Brain Damage

Drugs Headlines Health

I used to live with five straight guys and – ew, the cleaning schedule was 'nope.'

comedian
Housework Men People

I am a marvelous housekeeper; every time I leave a man I keep his house.

(1917 – 2016) Hungarian-born American actress
Divorce Housework Marriage

If an item is advertised as "under $50," you can bet it's not $19.95.

Murphy’s Laws Shopping

Somebody once said that laughter is the best medicine, and that was clearly written by a man that never tried Vicodin.

(1959 – ) American comedian, comedy writer, actor & author
Activities Drugs Emotions Health Laughter

What do gardeners do when they retire?

(1928 – 2003) English entertainer
Activities

A truly reckless driver is one who passes you when you are already exceeding the speed limit.

Activities Driving

I'm not a vegetarian, but I eat animals who are.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Activities Animals Food/Drink

Here we have a game that combines the charm of a Pentagon briefing with the excitement of double-entry bookkeeping.

internet columnist
Activities Games

Multitasking: Messing up several chores at the same time.

Activities Definitions

Flying from the U.S. to Tokyo takes approximately as long as law school.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Activities Places Time

Insomnia: The inability to sleep even when it’s time to get up.

Activities Definitions Sleep

I was skydiving horizontally.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Activities

I bet on a horse at ten-to-one; it didn't come in until half-past five.

(1906 – 1998) English-born American comedian
Activities Sports

Our culture teaches us to buy things we don't need, with money we don't have, to impress people we don't like.

(1946 – 2007) American entrepreneur
Activities Shopping

Ironic how you can’t get kids out of their beds in the morning but you can’t get them into their beds at night.

(1958 – ) Australian author
Children Family Situations Sleep

The only exercise I get is walking behind the coffins of friends who took exercise.

(1932 – 2013) Irish stage & film actor
Activities Exercise