Subject: Activities (Page 40)

He who hesitates is not only lost, but several miles from the next freeway exit.

Driving Murphy’s Laws Travel

What, I’m gonna work all year so I can go out and pretend I’m homeless?

Activities

I’ve decided to become gay… not in a sexual way, but I am going to start picking up around the house.

American comedian & actor
Activities Housework

Sometimes in the middle of the night, I think of something that's funny, then I go get a pen and I write it down… or if the pen's too far away, I have to convince myself that what I thought of ain't funny.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Emotions Situations Sleep

Me and my dad used to play tag, he’d drive!

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Activities Driving Family Fathers

There are more fish taken out of a stream than ever were in it.

(1863 – 1935) British-born American writer, artist & illustrator
Activities Beliefs Honesty Lies

Bus Driver: A person who tells people where to get off.

Activities Definitions Driving Occupations

Knitting: An exercise that gives women something to do when they are talking.

Activities Definitions

Because of acid, I now know that butter is way better than margarine.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Activities Drugs

Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Activities Beliefs Games

Nothing makes a smoker happier than to see an old person smoking.

(1961 – 1994) comedian
Activities Age Happiness Health Old

Children have more energy after a hard day of play than they do after a good night's sleep.

Children Murphy’s Laws Situations Sleep

You can't expect to hit the jackpot if you don't put a few nickels in the machine.

(1933 – 1998) comedian & actor
Activities

A teacher is someone who talks in our sleep!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Education Occupations Sleep

You might be a redneck if… you've ever cut your grass and found a car.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Activities Autos People Rednecks

Never go to bed mad… stay up and fight.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Activities Conflict Fights Marriage Sleep

The slowest checker is always at the quick-check-out lane.

Murphy’s Laws Shopping

They [airplane oxygen masks] don’t really help you… they’re just there to muffle the screams.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Activities Things Travel

A school without football is in danger of deteriorating into a medieval study hall.

American football coach
Activities Education Football Misspokements School Sports

We’re lost, but we’re making good time.

(1925 – 2015) baseball player, coach & manager
Activities Travel Yogi-isms

Look around the table; if you don’t see a sucker, get up, because you’re the sucker.

Activities Games Murphy’s Laws