Subject: Age » Old (Page 8)

Old age is no place for sissies.

(1908 – 1989) American actress of film, television & theater

They tell you that you’ll lose your mind when you grow older; what they don’t tell you is that you won’t miss it much.


The four stages of a man are infancy, childhood, adolescence and obsolescence.

(1912 – 2010) Canadian-born American radio & television personality & humorist

You know you're getting old when you start to dress in more than six colors.

(1936 – 2014) American standup comedian, actor & author

My parents didn’t want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty, and that’s the law.

(1954 – ) comedian & television actor

When you are over the hill, you pick up speed.

That dame is older than the Continental Shelf!

(1944 – ) American actor, director & producer

The greatest problem about old age is the fear that it may go on too long.

(1906 – 1990) British historian

My grandad has a chair in his shower which makes him feel old, so in order to feel young he sits on it backwards like a cool teacher giving an assembly about drugs.

(1991 – ) English stand-up comedian

Children are a great comfort in your old age… and they help you reach it faster too.

The years that a woman subtracts from her age are not lost… they are added to the ages of other women.


(1499 – 1566) French noblewoman & prominent courtier

A child is a curly, dimpled lunatic.

(1803 – 1882) essayist, poet, & philosopher

I may be forty, but every morning when I get up, I feel like a twenty-year-old… unfortunately there’s never one around.

(1927 – ) magician & comedy writer

If you help a friend in need, he is sure to remember you… the next time he’s in need.

Except for an occasional heart attack I feel as young as I ever did.

(1889 – 1945) actor, author & humorist

My wife and I are discussing whether we’re going to spank our child or not; I say wait ’til she does something wrong.

American comedian

A young man is a theory, an old man is a fact.

(1853 – 1937) journalist, writer & editor

Oh, this your wife, huh? A lovely lady. Hey baby, you must’ve been something before electricity.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

My friends and I played a new version of Russian roulette; we passed around six girls and one of them had VD.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

If I knew I was going to live this long, I'd have taken better care of myself.

(1931 – 1995) American baseball player

You still chase women, but only downhill.

(1903 – 2003) English-born American comedian & actor