Subject: Age (Page 24)

I’m 65. People say I look 55. I feel 45. I’d settle for 35 and you make me feel 25.

(1922 – 1991) American comedian

One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

That dame is older than the Continental Shelf!

(1944 – ) American actor, director & producer

I don't need drugs anymore, thank God; I can get the same effect just by standing up real fast.

(1946 – ) American comedian, actor & voice actor

Everybody wants to live forever, but nobody wants to grow old.

(1667 – 1745) Irish satirist & essayist

I don’t want to lose weight; my tongue and my taste buds are the only friends I got.

American stand-up comedian

As you grow older, you stand for more and fall for less.

Thirty-five is when you finally get your head together and your body starts falling apart.

American cartoonist, illustrator & writer

If you live to be ninety in England and can still eat a boiled egg they think you deserve the Nobel Prize.

English author, actor, humorist & playwright

When you are over the hill, you pick up speed.

Old ladies in wheelchairs with blankets over their legs, I don’t think so… retired mermaids.

(1964 – ) English comedian

Adolescence is that time of life when you discover your ability to be depressed.

David Gerrold (1944 – ) science fiction author

Most people my age are dead at the present time.

(1890 – 1975) American baseball manager

When I was young, poverty was so common that we didn't know it had a name.

(1908 – 1973) 36th U.S. president

The thing about getting old is the number of things you think that you can’t say aloud because it would be too shocking.

(1919 – 2013) British writer, poet & playwright

Nostalgia is heroin for old people.

(1972 – ) Irish comedian & television presenter

When you've seen a nude infant doing a backward somersault you know why clothing exists.

(1957 – ) English actor, writer, journalist, comedian & film director

I got my start in silent radio.

(1928 – 2003) English entertainer

When you are over the hill, you pick up speed.

Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit the National Debt.

(1929 – 1933) 31st U.S. president, humanitarian

When you are eight years old, nothing is any of your business.

(1923 – 1966) stand-up comedian, writer, social critic & satirist