Subject: Animals (Page 17)

You might be a redneck if… you can get dog hair from out of your belly button.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Animals Dogs People Rednecks

How come dogs hate it if you blow in their faces; but when they get in the car, they stick their heads out the window.

(1952 – ) comedian
Animals Dogs

What's black and white and brown and looks good on a lawyer? … a Doberman.

(1931 – 2001) Canadian author, screenwriter & essayist
Animals Dogs Insults Lawyers

If you're a fish, and you want to be a fish stick, you must have very good posture.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Animals Food/Drink

Flying pests are more likely to enter the ears, eyes, nose and throat when both hands are in use.

Animals Murphy’s Laws Problems

I don't like grouper fish. Well, they're okay. They hang around star fish. Because they're grouper fish.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Animals

Why don’t sheep shrink when it rains?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Animals

I've been sitting my whole life, and a dog has never looked at me as though he thought I was tricky.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Animals Dogs

Our dog died from licking our wedding picture.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Animals Death Dogs Marriage

Lettin’ the cat outta the bag is a whole lot easier’n puttin’ it back.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Animals Cats Characteristics

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

Animals Proverbs

The other day when I was walking through the woods, I saw a rabbit standing in front of a candle making shadows of people on a tree.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Animals Things

A snake bite emergency kit is a body bag.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Animals

To bathe a cat takes brute force, perseverance, courage of conviction – and a cat; the last ingredient is usually hardest to come by.


Animals Cats

When a man’s best friend is his dog, that dog has a problem.

(1927 – 1989) author, essayist & environmentalist
Age Animals Dogs Friends People Relationships

A man running for office puts me in mind of a dog that’s lost – he smells everybody he meets, and wags himself all over.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Animals Dogs Politicians

My parents had to tie a pork chop around my neck so the dog would play with me.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Animals Dogs Family Parents

A bird in the hand is usually dead.

Animals Proverbs

How to Preserve Animal and Other Specimens in Clear Plastic

Animals Book Titles

You know what, evolution is a myth; why aren't monkeys still evolving into humans?

(1969 – ) U.S. Representative (Delaware)
Animals Beliefs

He that lies down with dogs, shall rise up with fleas.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor
Animals Dogs Relationships