Subject: Animals (Page 17)

How fast does a zebra have to run before it looks gray.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Activities Animals

The pug is living proof that God has a sense of humor.

(1954 – 2000) humorist, writer & radio commentator
Animals Beliefs Dogs God

You can take a horse to water, but a pencil must be led.

(1890 – 1965) English comic actor, writer & director (of Laurel & Hardy)
Animals Situations

All bachelors love dogs, and we would love children just as much if they could be taught to retrieve.

(1947 – ) author, humorist & satirist
Animals Dogs

I spend three minutes every day choosing a TV channel to leave on for my dog; then I go to work, and people take me seriously as an adult.

American comedian
Animals Dogs Self

Cats are intended to teach us that not everything in nature has a function.

(1942 – ) humorist & radio broadcaster
Animals Cats

Being president is like being a jackass in a hailstorm; there's nothing to do but to stand there and take it.

(1908 – 1973) 36th U.S. president
Animals Government President

Did you know a bird is the only animal that you can throw and you’d be helping it?

Comedian
Animals

I think animal crackers make people think that all animals taste the same.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Animals Food/Drink

There are three faithful friends, an old wife, an old dog, and ready money.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor
Dogs Friends Money People Wives

My mom took me to a dog show and I won!!

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Animals Appearance Dogs People Self

I have to laugh, because I’ve outsmarted even myself. … In order to conquer the animal, I have to learn to think like an animal… and, whenever possible, to look like one. I’ve gotta get inside this guy’s pelt and crawl around for a few days.

(1950 – ) American actor & comedian
Animals TV/Movie Quotes

Tinsel is really snakes' mirrors.


Animals Things

Dogs are forever in the push-up position.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Animals Dogs

A house without a dog or a cat is the house of a scoundrel.

Animals Cats Dogs Proverbs

It's only when you look at an ant through a magnifying glass on a sunny day that you realize how often they burst into flames.

(1964 – ) English comedian, author & television presenter
Animals Situations

Horses for Sale! Stallion 2 yrs. old for $500. Mayor 3 yrs. old for $1,000.

Animals Classifieds

Cats have nine lives… which makes them ideal for experimentation.

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor
Animals Cats

If you want to cure your dog’s bad breath, just pour a little Lavoris in the toilet.

(1950 – ) comedian & television host
Animals Dogs

Aa dog walking on his hind legs … is not done well, but you are surprised to find it done at all.

(1709 – 1784) English author, essayist, critic, editor & lexicographer
Animals Dogs

Cats seem to go on the principle that it never does any harm to ask for what you want.

(1893 – 1970) American writer, critic & naturalist
Animals Cats