Subject: Appearance » Body

1. Fat expands to fill any apparel worn.
2. A fat person walks in the middle of the hall.

Appearance Body Fat Murphy’s Laws

I’ve seen some players with very big feet, and some with very small feet.

English football player, manager & sports commentator
Appearance Body

Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more fun.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Body Mind People

One out of every three Americans… weighs as much as the other two.

(1957 – 2007) American stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Body Fat

‘Homemade’ sounds much better when not referring to tattoos.

American comedian & actor
Appearance Body

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Appearance Body Women

She is so fat… when she takes a shower her feet don't get wet.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat

The more underdeveloped the country, the more overdeveloped the women.

Appearance Body Murphy’s Laws Places Women World

A plastic surgeon's office the only place where no one gets offended when you pick your nose!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Body Situations

I speak two languages, Body and English.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Body Communication Language

Shin: A device for finding furniture in the dark.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Appearance Body Definitions

You know, you get that tattoo of barbed wire when you’re 18, but by the time you’re 80, it’s a picket fence.

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor
Age Appearance Body Old Young

Your dresses should be tight enough to show you're a woman and loose enough to show you're a lady.

(1898 – 1981) American costume designer
Appearance Body Clothing Women

If your body is 90 per cent water why have you got to drink water all the time? Why can’t you just have some crisps?

(1975 – ) English comedian, actor & writer
Appearance Body

I went to a freak show and they let me in for nothing.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Body

Accident: A condition in which presence of mind is good, but absence of body is better.

Accidents Body Mind Problems

I'm in terrible shape… I need a nap after I fart.

(1965 – ) American stand-up comedian & television host
Appearance Body

The older you get, the higher your underwear – get like rings on a tree; you're 80-90 years old – your breasts are inside them.

stand-up comedian, actor, writer & producer
Age Appearance Body Clothing Old

I wish I had a twin, so I could know what I’d look like without plastic surgery.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Appearance Body

Do you know how short you have to be to have a Napoleon complex in North Korea?

(1965 – 2010) American stand-up comedian & television personality
Appearance Body Places

He is so fat… I had to take a train and two buses just to get on his good side.

Appearance Body Exaggerations Fat