Subject: Appearance » Body (Page 11)

The meal is not over when I'm full – the meal is over when I hate myself.

Louis Szekely (1967 – ) American comedian, writer, actor & director

My New Year’s resolution is to get in shape… I choose round.

(1975 – ) English comedian

I knew a girl so ugly, I took her to the top of the Empire State building and planes started to attack her.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor

That's like the Queen Mary losing a deck chair.

(1928 – 2001) American basketball coach

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host

They don't make 'em too big for this business.

(1928 – ) American stripper, burlesque star & actress

I don’t want to lose weight; my tongue and my taste buds are the only friends I got.

American stand-up comedian

How easy for those who do not bulge to not overindulge!

(1902 – 1971) American humorist & poet

Paunch: A bulging trunk.

When you have a fat friend there are no see-saws… only catapults.

(1973 – ) American comedian

If you fatten up everyone else around you, then you look thinner.

(1946 – 1994) writer & humorist

Brain: The apparatus with which we think we think.

I told my wife that there was a chance that radiation might hurt my reproductive organs, but she said in her opinion it’s a small price to pay.

(1925 – 2005) television host

He is so fat… I had to take a train and two buses just to get on his good side.

I have such poor vision I can date anybody.

(1949 – 2016) American comedian & television actor

My husband said ‘Show me your boobs.’ and I had to pull up my skirt… so it was time to get them done!

(1946 – ) singer, songwriter, author & actress

I was walking down the street, something caught my eye – and dragged it fifteen feet.

(1956 – ) American comedian

I just accept them as a great accessory to every outfit.

(1979 – ) American actress

She has breasts of granite and a mind like a Gruyere cheese.

(1906 – 2002) Austrian journalist, filmmaker, screenwriter & producer

You might be a redneck if… the Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth than your wife.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality

Why doesn’t the fattest man in the world become a hockey goalie?