Subject: Appearance » Clothing (Page 12)

If you don’t want gays in the military, make the uniforms ugly.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director

All other things being equal, the side with the simplest uniforms wins.

White pants should be worn on two occasions: One, never, and two, if you’re selling ice cream.

(1959 – ) American actor, stand-up comedian & television host

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

(1921 – 1984) British comedian & magician

Clothes and manners do not make the man; but, when he is made, they greatly improve his appearance.

(1813 – 1887) American clergyman, social reformer & abolitionist

I always take my wife morning tea in my pajamas, but is she grateful?… no, she says she'd rather have it in a cup.

(1926 – 1984) English comedian

I model irregular clothing.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comic

A gentleman never strikes a lady with his hat on.

(1894 – 1956) American radio comedian

Who picks your clothes – Stevie Wonder?

(1926 – 2017) American stand-up comedian & actor

Nothing wise was ever printed upon an apron.

(1973 – ) American comedian

The older you get, the higher your underwear – get like rings on a tree; you're 80-90 years old – your breasts are inside them.

stand-up comedian, actor, writer & producer

Some days even my lucky rocketship underpants won’t help.

(1955 – ) cartoonist (Calvin and Hobbes)

Maternity sweater, $52. Comes in unisex sizes.

You might be a redneck if… you own a homemade fur coat.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality

You couldn't tell if she was dressed for an opera or an operation.

(1876 – 1944) American author, humorist & columnist

Behind every successful man, you’ll find a woman who has nothing to wear.

(1908 – 1997) American actor

Necktie: A decorative noose worn by businessmen.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter

You'd be surprised how much it costs to look this cheap!

(1946 – ) singer, songwriter, author & actress

If I saw myself dressed like that, I'd have to kick my own ass.

(1966 – ) American actor, comedian, screenwriter & film producer

[Suzanne modeling a fur pull-over] Protestor: 50 animals died because of that coat!

Suzanne: Wanna make it 51?

(1956 – ) American actress, comedian, producer & author

If the shoe fits, get another one just like it.