Subject: Appearance (Page 41)

He's had so many face-lifts, his face has moved to the top of his head, you have to get on a step-ladder to watch him lie!

(1971 – ) Irish comedian, actor & writer
Appearance Body Insults

Little things start to change in your life — like your socks start to get tight.

(1953 – ) American comedian & actor
Appearance Body Fat

Her face was her chaperone.

(1872—1956) American historian, novelist, film director & composer
Appearance Insults

Does this sign make my butt look fat?

Appearance Body Fat

Very few blacks will take up golf until the requirement for plaid pants is dropped.

(1949 – ) American stand-up comedian
Appearance Clothing Golf Sports

He looks like a bag of antlers.

Appearance Body Expressions

When I answer the door the kids hand ME candy.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Self Situations Ugly

Do you travel as one person or do you get a party rate of ten?

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Appearance Fat TV/Movie Quotes

The (orange) uniforms were already picked out by the time I got here. I didn't give it too much thought until I saw our buses and I said, `My God, we're dressed just like that bus.'

(1923 – 2001) American football coach
Appearance Clothing Football Sports

I broke my arm trying to fold a bed… it wasn’t the kind that folds.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Body Things

I would love to speak a foreign language but I can't; so I grew hair under my arms instead.

stand-up comedian
Appearance Body Communication Hair Speech

The older you get, the higher your underwear – get like rings on a tree; you're 80-90 years old – your breasts are inside them.

stand-up comedian, actor, writer & producer
Age Appearance Body Clothing Old

I've been big ever since I was little.

American football player
Appearance Body Football Sports

You know you're getting old when kids start to dress like you used to.

(1936 – 2014) American standup comedian, actor & author
Age Appearance Clothing Old

You want to look younger… rent smaller children.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Age Appearance Children Young

Angelina Jolie has a fine pair of child-bearing lips.

Irish journalist & film critic
Appearance Reviews/Criticism

Change of fashion is the tax levied by the industry of the poor on the vanity of the rich.

(1741 – 1794) French writer
Appearance Money

Trying to get a little kid dressed is like gift-wrapping an octopus.

American writer
Appearance Children Clothing Family

I always take blushing either for a sign of guilt, or of ill breeding.

(1670 – 1729) English playwright & poet
Appearance Characteristics

It’s easy to tell when you’ve got a bargain – it doesn’t fit.

Activities Clothing Murphy’s Laws Shopping

You don’t look so hot yourself.

(1925 – 2015) baseball player, coach & manager
Appearance Yogi-isms