Subject: Appearance (Page 41)

You know you're getting old when kids start to dress like you used to.

(1936 – 2014) American standup comedian, actor & author
Age Appearance Clothing Old

I never go out unless I look like Joan Crawford the movie star; if you want to see the girl next door, go next door.

(1905 – 1977) American actress
Appearance People Self

So skinny she’d have to stand up twice to make a shadow.

Appearance Body Expressions

There were many times my pants were so thin I could sit on a dime and tell if it was heads or tails.

(1667 – 1745) Irish satirist & essayist
Appearance Clothing Money Poverty

My mom took me to a dog show and I won!!

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Animals Appearance Dogs People Self

My husband said he wanted to have a relationship with a redhead, so I dyed my hair.

(1937 – ) American actress, writer, political activist, & fitness exponent
Appearance Hair

Well, well, well. Look what the cat cleaned up, showered, exfoliated, powdered, lipsticked, Gucci’d and dragged in.

(1958 – ) American actress & singer
Appearance TV/Movie Quotes

A cherub's face, a reptile all the rest.

(1688 – 1744) English poet
Appearance Insults

He's the only man able to walk under a bed without hitting his head.

(1897 – 1972) broadcast journalist & gossip columnist
Appearance Insults

He should know better than that. He knows I only drink scotch.

Canadian professional hockey goalie
Body Hockey Sports

I wanted to get my teeth whitened, but I said, "F**k that… I'll just get a tan instead.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Appearance Body

No matter… the dead bird does not leave the nest.

(1874 – 1965) British prime minister, politician, statesman & orator
Appearance Clothing Situations

You would think with all the money she saves on food she could buy a dress.

(1967 – ) American stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Body People

I've only got one wrinkle and I'm sitting on it.

(1875 – 1997) French, 120 year old woman
Age Appearance Body Old

I would love to speak a foreign language but I can't; so I grew hair under my arms instead.

stand-up comedian
Appearance Body Communication Hair Speech

A woman's dress should be like a barbed-wire fence: serving its purpose without obstructing the view.

(1934 – ) Italian actress
Appearance Clothing People Women

I liked the choreography, but I didn't care for the costumes.

(1939 – ) American actor, dancer, singer, producer & choreographer
Appearance Basketball Body Clothing Sports

I told my girlfriend that it looked like she was drawing her eyebrows too high… she looked surprised.

Appearance

This girl was ugly. They used her in prisons to cure sex offenders.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Appearance Ugly

He's so fat, he can be his own running mate.

(1925 – 2005) television host
Appearance Body Fat Insults

I always wanted to get into politics, but I was never light enough to make the team.

(1925 – 2007) humorist & columnist
Fat Government Politics