Subject: Appearance (Page 41)

He is so ugly… he has to sneak up on his mirror.

Appearance Exaggerations Ugly

When it comes to eating, you can sometimes help yourself more by helping yourself less.

(1906 – 1989) American poet & author
Appearance Body Eating Fat Food/Drink

Marrying a man is like buying something you've been admiring for a long time in a shop window; you may love it when you get it home, but it doesn't always go with everything else in the house.

(1922 – 2003) author & playwright
Appearance Clothing Marriage Shopping

I have always dressed according to certain Basic Guy Fashion rules, including: both of your socks should always be the same color, or they should at least both be fairly dark.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Appearance Clothing Men People

A plastic surgeon increases your face value.

Appearance

He [looks like] an umbrella left behind at a picnic.

(1852 – 1933) Irish writer, poet, art critic & dramatist
Appearance Insults

You should never tell someone they have a nice dimple, because maybe they were shot in the face with a BB gun.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Appearance

The one thing women don't want to find in their stockings on Christmas morning is their husband.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Appearance Clothing Husbands Marriage

Cultivate your curves – they may be dangerous but they won't be avoided.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Appearance Body

It is a scientific fact that your body will not absorb cholesterol if you take it from another person's plate.

(1947 – ) American columnist & humorist
Body Food/Drink

The best reason I can think of for not running for President of the United States is that you have to shave twice a day.

(1900 – 1965) diplomat & Democratic politician
America Appearance Government Places President

All the fat guys watch me and say to their wives, ‘See, there’s a fat guy doing okay. Bring me another beer.’

American baseball player
Appearance Baseball Fat Sports

The only person who ever left the Iron Curtain wearing it.

(1906 – 1972) pianist, composer, author, comedian & actor
Clothing Insults

You know you're getting fat when you can pinch an inch on your forehead.

comedian
Appearance Body Fat

I didn't discover curves; I only uncovered them.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Appearance Body

Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Age Appearance Body Clothing Old

Jeans: Lower half of the international uniform of youth.

Appearance Clothing Definitions

A bag of tattooed bones in a sequined slingshot.

Richard Blackwell (1922 – 2008) fashion critic, journalist, & designer
Appearance Body Clothing Insults

An ounce of sequins can be worth a pound of home cooking.

(1946 – ) American magazine columnist, author, lecturer & playwright
Appearance Body Clothing Fat

The sane appear as strange to the mad as the mad to the sane.

(1933 – 1967) English playwright
Appearance Intelligence

I’ve seen some players with very big feet, and some with very small feet.

English football player, manager & sports commentator
Appearance Body