Subject: Beliefs (Page 12)

To you, I’m an atheist; to God, I’m the Loyal Opposition.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Beliefs God TV/Movie Quotes

… the less a man knows, the more sure it is that he knows everything.

(1888 – 1957) English writer
Beliefs Intelligence People

The play opened at 8:40 sharp and closed at 10:40 dull.

(1918 – 2001) American sportswriter, commentator & actor
Entertainment Opinion

Sacred cows make the best hamburger.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Beliefs Food/Drink Opinion

If God dropped acid, would he see people?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Activities Drugs God People

If we are all God’s children, what’s so special about Jesus?

(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor
Beliefs Religion

I've found that prayers work best when you have big players.

(1888 – 1931) American football player & coach
Beliefs Football Sports

We hate to have some people give us advice because we know how badly they need it themselves.

Beliefs Opinion

A conservative is a fellow who thinks a rich man should have a square deal.

(1902 – 1963) Danish actor
Beliefs

Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.

Characteristics Communication Lies

Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.

Beliefs Communication

The best cure for Christianity is reading the Bible.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Beliefs Religion

A Sunday school is a prison in which children do penance for the evil conscience of their parents.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Beliefs Children Family Parents Religion

Born-Again Virgin

Beliefs Book Titles Religion

Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it.

Age Beliefs Honesty Lies

Infidel: In New York, one who does not believe in the Christian religion; in Constantinople, one who does.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Beliefs Definitions Religion

Is a vegetarian permitted to eat animal crackers?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Beliefs Food/Drink

I know I’m God because when I pray to him I find I’m talking to myself.

(1931 – 2004) English playwright & screenwriter
Beliefs God People Self

God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.

(1694 – 1778) French author, humanist & satirist
Emotions Entertainment God Laughter

I hope God speaks English; if I get up to heaven and have to point at a menu, I'm gonna be pissed.

(1975 – ) American stand-up comedian & television host
Beliefs Communication Eating God Language

Good Advice: What a man gives when he gets too old to set a bad example.

Beliefs Definitions Opinion