Subject: Beliefs (Page 10)

I'm going to marry a Jewish woman because I like the idea of getting up Sunday morning and going to the deli.

(1961 – ) Canadian–American actor, voice actor, author, producer & activist
Beliefs Marriage Religion Situations

Beware of the half truth… you may have gotten hold of the wrong half.

Beliefs Honesty Truth

Nothing is more conducive to peace of mind than not having any opinions at all.

(1742 – 1799) German writer
Beliefs Opinion

Fishing is a delusion entirely surrounded by liars in old clothes.

(1878 – 1937) humorist, journalist & author
Activities Beliefs Characteristics Clothing Lies Sports

Jolson's ego was so big he could have given the Lord himself an inferiority complex.

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Characteristics God

He would not blow his nose without moralizing on conditions in the handkerchief industry.

(1903 – 1974) English intellectual, literary critic & writer
Insults Opinion

I hate myself, but being Jewish has nothing to do with it.

(1947 – ) American comedian, writer, actor & television producer
Beliefs Religion Self

God heals and the doctor takes the fee.

(1706 – 1790) American statesman, author, scientist & inventor
Beliefs Doctors God Health Money

When I was a kid I used to pray every night for a new bike; then I realised that The Lord doesn’t work that way… so I stole one and asked him to forgive me.

(1973 – ) English comedian, writer, actor, director & producer
Beliefs God

Journalists say a thing that they know isn’t true, in the hope that if they keep on saying it long enough it will be true.

1867 – 1931) English novelist
Communication Honesty Language Lies Truth

Those who say truth is stranger than fiction have wasted their time on poorly written fiction.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Books Characteristics Communication Reading/Writing Truth

Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Activities Beliefs Games

I used to play golf with a guy who cheated so badly that he once had a hole in one and wrote down zero on his scorecard.

professional golfer
Characteristics Golf Honesty Sports

Lutherans OK Pact With Episcopalians

Headlines Religion

Everything that used to be a sin is now a disease.

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator
Beliefs Health

There are two things that will be believed of any man whatsoever, and one of them is that he has taken to drink.

(1869 – 1946) American novelist & dramatist
Alcohol Beliefs Food/Drink Opinion

When deciding between two competing theories, always go with the one that doesn't involve a magic spell.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Beliefs Religion

Figures won’t lie, but liars can figure.

(1911 – 1993) columnist & novelist
Characteristics Facts Honesty Lies People

Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Appearance Beliefs Characteristics

A man is never more truthful than when he acknowledges himself a liar.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Beliefs Honesty Lies People Self Truth

I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband; how about short and cheap?

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Beliefs Husbands Opinion