Subject: Beliefs (Page 18)

The church has historically been very slow to embrace technology; until very recently, their idea of a laptop was an altar boy.

(1956 – ) comedian, television host, social critic & political commentator
Beliefs Religion

No matter what side of an argument you're on, you always find some people on your side that wish you were on the other side.

(1901 –-1987) Russian-American violinist
Beliefs Opinion

Generally the theories we believe we call facts, and the facts we disbelieve we call theories.

(1907 – 1953) American lawyer & scholar
Beliefs Facts

If you want to get rid of somebody, just tell him something for his own good.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist
Beliefs Opinion

God is good, but never dance in a small boat.

Dance God Proverbs Things

In the first place God made idiots; that was for practice; then he made school boards.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Beliefs Education Fools God Insults Intelligence

The Jews celebrate Passover by eating unpalatable food to remind them what will happen to their people if they ever leave New York City.

(1962 – ) American political satirist, writer, television host & comedian
Beliefs New York City Places Religion

There are many who dare not kill themselves for fear of what the neighbors will say.

(1903 – 1974) English intellectual, literary critic & writer
Beliefs Death Opinion

The trouble with giving advice is that people want to repay you.

(1908 – 1980) businessman, humorist
Beliefs

God writes a lot of comedy… the trouble is, he's stuck with so many bad actors who don't know how to play funny.

(1942 – ) humorist & radio broadcaster
Emotions Entertainment God

She tells enough white lies to ice a wedding cake.

(1864 –1945) Anglo-Scottish socialite, author & wit
Characteristics Honesty Insults Lies People

Beware of the half truth… you may have gotten hold of the wrong half.

Beliefs Honesty Truth

GOD Talks 2 U? There Is Medication For That.

Beliefs God

Don’t ya know it’s bad luck to keep icrons in a Christian home?

television character, All In the Family (Carroll O’Connor)
Malaprops Religion

The way my luck is running, if I was a politician I would be honest.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Characteristics Government Honesty Politicians

Righteous indignation: Your own wrath as opposed to the shocking bad temper of others.

(1856 – 1915) writer, publisher, artist & philosopher
Beliefs Religion

There are two kinds of statistics; those you look up and those you make up.

(1886 – 1975) American fiction writer
Beliefs Facts

I think of the church often; not because religion was closing in on me, but because for a long time my ass was sore from that hard, unupholstered pew.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Beliefs Religion

… you're so crooked that if you swallowed a nail you'd shit a corkscrew.

(1898 – 1979) British military commander
Honesty Insults

If God doesn't destroy Hollywood Boulevard, he owes Sodom and Gomorrah an apology.

(1950 – ) comedian & television host
Beliefs Characteristics God

There's an old proverb that says just about whatever you want it to.

Beliefs Proverbs