Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Characteristics
(Page 27)
Hell hath no fury like a liberal scorned.
Dick Gregory
(1932 – 2017) comedian, social activist, critic & writer
Anger
Beliefs
Characteristics
Liberals
If you don't know where you're going, any train will get you there.
Proverb
Characteristics
Goals
It's too bad I'm not as wonderful a person as people say I am, because the world could use a few people like that.
Alan Alda
(1936 – ) American actor, director & screenwriter
Characteristics
People
World
Good
How long is it polite to pretend to continue to listen to someone after they’ve revealed they’ve got a boyfriend?
Russell Brand
(1975 – ) English comedian, actor & writer
Characteristics
Communication
Boyfriends
Listen
Humans are not proud of their ancestors, and rarely invite them round to dinner.
Douglas Adams
(1952 – 2001) English writer, dramatist, & musician
Characteristics
Eating
Food/Drink
People
Ancestors
Dinner
Pride
Punctuality is the virtue of the bored.
Evelyn Waugh
(1903 – 1966) English writer
Characteristics
Boredom
Punctuality
Virtue
Education is the ability to listen to almost anything without losing your temper.
Robert Frost
(1874 – 1963) American poet
Characteristics
Education
Learning
The trouble with the rat race is that even if you win, you're still a rat.
Lily Tomlin
(1939 – ) comedian, actress, writer & producer
Characteristics
Work
Rat race
The least thing upsets him on the links; he missed short putts because of the uproar of butterflies in the adjoining meadows.
P.G. Wodehouse
(1881 – 1975) English writer & humorist
Characteristics
Golf
Sports
Sooner or later, I'll be punctual.
Ashleigh Brilliant
(1933 – ) English author & cartoonist
Characteristics
Time
Punctuality
Revenge is sweet and not fattening.
Alfred Hitchcock
(1899 – 1980) English filmmaker & producer
Characteristics
Revenge
The supreme irony of life is that hardly anyone gets out of it alive.
Robert Heinlein
(1907 – 1988) science fiction author
Characteristics
Death
Life
Irony
Punctuality is one of the cardinal business virtues: always insist on it in your subordinates.
Don Marquis
(1878 – 1937) humorist, journalist & author
Characteristics
Time
Punctuality
Subordinates
Virtue
He’s suffering from a lack of
self of steam.
Anonymous
Characteristics
Malaprops
Self-esteem
Flattery must be pretty thick before anybody objects to it.
William Feather
(1908 – 1976) publisher & author
Characteristics
Flattery
The basis of optimism is sheer terror.
Oscar Wilde
(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Characteristics
Optimism
Whenever A annoys or injures B on the pretense of saving or improving X, A is a scoundrel.
Mencken's Law of Social Reform
Characteristics
Conflict
Murphy’s Laws
It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people: the good ones slept better while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more.
Woody Allen
(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Characteristics
Situations
Sleep
Bad
Good
A woman is like a cup of tea; you'll never know how strong she is until she boils.
Proverb
Characteristics
People
Women
Strength
Tea
Temper
The function of vice is to keep virtue within reasonable bounds.
Samuel Butler
(1835 – 1902) English composer, author & satirist
Characteristics
Bad
Good
Vices
Virtue
Too much of a good thing is wonderful.
Mae West
(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Characteristics
Good
Wonderful
Page 27 of 50
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