Subject: Characteristics (Page 41)

The price of purity is purists.

(1935 – ) columnist, journalist & novelist
Characteristics People

If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Characteristics Conflict Killing People

One thing that's good about procrastination is that you always have something planned for tomorrow.

(1890 – 1973) English writer & critic
Characteristics

Duty is what one expects from others, it is not what one does oneself.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Characteristics People

He’s so crooked that when he dies, they’re going to have to screw him into the ground.

Characteristics Expressions Honesty

Make money and the whole nation will conspire to call you a gentleman.

Characteristics Money

To find a man’s true character, play golf with him.

(1881 – 1975) English writer & humorist
Characteristics Golf Sports

All general statements are false.

Characteristics Murphy’s Laws

Modesty is my best quality.

(1894 – 1974) comedian, radio & television host
Characteristics

Her virtue was that she said what she thought, her vice – that what she thought didn't amount to much.

(1921 – 2004) English actor & author
Characteristics

My girlfriend bought me a down jacket, she said it fit my personality.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comic
Appearance Characteristics Clothing

He who hesitates is a damn fool.

(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Characteristics Time

Being a star has made it possible for me to get insulted in places where the average Negro could never hope to go and get insulted.

(1925 – 1990) American entertainer
Characteristics Insults People Success

I actually thought about getting breast implants because I'm a radical, militant feminist and a hypocrite, it turns out.

(1970 – ) American stand-up comedian & voice actor
Appearance Body Characteristics

There's many a pessimist who got that way by financing an optimist.

Characteristics Money

The Mets achieved total incompetence in a single year, while the Browns worked industriously for almost a decade to gain equal proficiency.

(1914 – 1986) American baseball team owner & promoter
Baseball Characteristics Sports

Do not free a camel of the burden of his hump; you may be freeing him from being a camel.

(1874 – 1936) English author & mystery novelist
Characteristics

Jews can't serve on juries because they insist they're guilty.

American stand-up comedian, television writer & actor
Characteristics Law

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Autos Characteristics Driving Situations

I'm a passive-aggressive; that's what this counselor labeled me, which really ticked me off, but I couldn't do a thing about it – not right then, but I made plans.

American comedian
Characteristics

You are not being diplomatic just because you put please in front of “Shut the hell up.”

Characteristics Situations