Subject: Characteristics (Page 44)

The less a statesman amounts to, the more he loves the flag.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist
Characteristics Government Politicians

If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality
Characteristics Family Relationships

He wants to be the bride at every wedding, the corpse at every funeral, and the baby at every Christening.

(1884 – 1980) author & wit
Characteristics

A pat on the back, though only a few vertebrae removed from a kick in the pants, is miles ahead in results.

(1898 – 1971) American humorist
Characteristics Situations

Whatever women do, they must do it twice as well as men to be thought half as good.

Characteristics Murphy’s Laws People Women

The optimist invents the airplane and the pessimist the parachute.

(1890 – 1973) English writer & critic
Characteristics People

An optimist is a fellow who believes what's going to be will be postponed.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist
Characteristics People

The greatest of faults, I should say, is to be conscious of none.

(1795 – 1881) Scottish philosopher, writer, historian & teacher
Characteristics

I believe in rules… sure I do; if there weren’t any rules, how could you break them?

(1906 – 1991) American baseball player, coach & manager
Baseball Characteristics Sports

You must first have a lot of patience to learn to have patience.

(1909 – 1966) Polish poet, writer & aphorist
Characteristics

He is racist, he's homophobic, he's xenophobic and he's a sexist; he's the perfect Republican candidate.

(1940 – ) talk radio host, political commentator and author
Characteristics Insults

An optimist is someone who gets treed by a lion but enjoys the scenery.

(1897 – 1972) broadcast journalist & gossip columnist
Characteristics

Americans detest all lies except lies spoken in public or printed lies.

(1853 – 1937) journalist, writer & editor
America Characteristics Honesty Lies People

He is a shifty-eyed goddamn liar…. he's one of the few in the history of this country to run for high office talking out of both sides of his mouth at the same time and lying out of both sides.

(1884 – 1972) 33rd U.S. president
Characteristics Honesty Insults Lies

He was so square he was divisible by four.

(1919 – 1998) American sportswriter
Characteristics Intelligence

You can’t trust water: even a straight stick turns crooked in it.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Characteristics Things

The search for someone to blame is always successful.

businessman
Characteristics Relationships Success

Every word she writes is a lie, including "and" and "the."

(1912 – 1989) author, critic & political activist
Characteristics Honesty Insults Lies

If you are riding a high horse, there ain’t no way to get down off it gracefully.

Characteristics

The worst vice of the fanatic is his sincerity.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Characteristics

Are you so unobservant that you do not yet realize that sanity and happiness are an impossible combination?

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Characteristics Emotions Happiness