Subject: Characteristics (Page 44)

The greatest of faults, I should say, is to be conscious of none.

(1795 – 1881) Scottish philosopher, writer, historian & teacher
Characteristics

I used to be indecisive… but I'm not sure.

Characteristics

When one guy sees an invisible man he’s a nut case; ten people see him it’s a cult; ten million people see him it’s a respected religion.

(1957 – 2007) American stand-up comedian & actor
Beliefs Characteristics God Intelligence Religion

There is no ‘I’ in self-esteem.

(1982 – ) American comedian & actress
Characteristics Self

I was such a nerd in high school, I didn't even have imaginary friends, I had imaginary bullies.

(1966 – ) American actor, musician & comedian
Characteristics People Self

When you don't know what you are doing, do it neatly.

Characteristics Intelligence

Mother Teresa with better legs.

(1906 – 2002) Austrian journalist, filmmaker, screenwriter & producer
Characteristics People

At my age, patience is not a virtue… it’s a luxury.

(1927 – 1996) columnist & humorist
Age Characteristics Old

Isn't it possible for them to get a real fascist instead of this guy who plays one on TV?

(1927 – ) Canadian-born American comedian & actor
Characteristics Communication Television

I am a man of fixed and unbending principles, the first of which is to be flexible at all times.

(1896 – 1969) American congressman & senator (Illinois)
Characteristics People Self

If you live long enough, the venerability factor creeps in; first, you get accused of things you never did, and later, credited for virtues you never had.

(1907 – 1989) American writer
Age Characteristics Old

Hard to tell if people are interested in joining my Sarcastic Club or not.

(1964 – ) English comedian
Characteristics

I had to stop driving my car for a while… the tires got dizzy.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Autos Characteristics Things

Super-competence is more objectionable than incompetence.

Characteristics Murphy’s Laws Problems

If it weren't for marriage, men would spend their lives thinking they had no faults at all.

Characteristics Marriage Men

My dentist found a new way to cover up his bad breath… he holds up his arms

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Characteristics Health

Man will occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of the time he will pick himself up and continue on.

Characteristics Murphy’s Laws Truth

If the facts don't fit the theory, change the facts.

(1879 – 1955) German-born physicist
Characteristics Facts Intelligence Situations Truth

Some men are alive simply because it is against the law to kill them.

(1853 – 1937) journalist, writer & editor
Characteristics Law People

The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing… if you can fake that, you’ve got it made.

(1890 – 1977) comedian, actor & television host
Characteristics Honesty Life Truth

One of the surprising things in this world is the respect a worthless man has for himself.

(1853 – 1937) journalist, writer & editor
Characteristics People