Subject: Characteristics (Page 7)

Hermits have no peer pressure.

If you treat people right they will treat you right… ninety percent of the time.

(1882 – 1945) 32nd U.S. president

A gold mine is a hole in the ground with a liar on top.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

If you own a home with wheels on it and several cars without, you just might be a redneck.

(1958 – ) stand-up comedian & television personality

Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

She looked at me like a cow looking at a new gate.

Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.

(1917 – 1963) 35th U.S. president

You take the lies out of him, and he'll shrink to the size of your hat; you take the malice out of him, and he'll disappear.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

Super-competence is more objectionable than incompetence.

I am extraordinarily patient, provided I get my own way in the end.

(1925 – 2013) British prime minister & politician

There’s only one difference between Catholics and Jews; Jews are born with guilt, and Catholics have to go to school to learn it.

(1952 – ) comedian

Tolerance: That uncomfortable feeling that the other fellow might be right after all.

If you can’t annoy somebody with what you write, I think there’s little point in writing.

(1922 – 1995) English novelist & poet

It is always the secure who are humble.

(1874 – 1936) English author & mystery novelist

Be good and you will be lonely.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

Being a star has made it possible for me to get insulted in places where the average Negro could never hope to go and get insulted.

(1925 – 1990) American entertainer

Lack of pep is often mistaken for patience.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist

Some people think of the glass as half full; some people think of the glass as half empty; I think of the glass as too big.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author

The man who is a pessimist before forty-eight knows too much; if he is an optimist after it he knows too little.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist

We would all like a reputation for generosity and we'd all like to buy it cheap.

(1913 – 1983) journalist & author

Good hospitality is making your guests feel at home, even when you wish they were.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine