Quotes and One Liners
humorous one-liners, quotations, jokes, Murphy's Laws & more
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Characteristics
(Page 7)
Once we were whining losers, but now we’re arrogant winners.
Chuck Burr
Buffalo Bills public relations man
Characteristics
Misspokements
Sports
Losing
Winning
I had to stop driving my car for a while… the tires got dizzy.
Steven Wright
(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Autos
Characteristics
Things
Dizzy
Tires
The secret of creativity is knowing how to hide your sources.
Albert Einstein
(1879 – 1955) German-born physicist
Characteristics
Intelligence
Creativity
A loafer always has the correct time.
Frank ‘Kin’ Hubbard
(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist
Characteristics
Time
Laziness
Temptation is an irresistible force at work on a movable body.
H.L. Mencken
(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Characteristics
Temptation
My father always used to say, "What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger," – 'til the accident.
Jimmy Carr
(1972 – ) Anglo-Irish comedian, writer & actor
Characteristics
Situations
He's so honest you can shoot dice with him on the telephone.
Dan Rather
(1931 – ) television newscaster
Characteristics
Honesty
Dice
George Christian
Be moderate in all things, including moderation.
Oscar Wilde
(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet
Characteristics
Advice
Moderation
I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
Anonymous
Characteristics
Intelligence
Brains
Open mind
A diplomat is a man who thinks twice before he says nothing.
Frederick Sawyer
(1822 – 1891) U.S. senator (South Carolina)
Characteristics
Government
Diplomats
The louder he talked of his honor, the faster we counted our spoons.
Ralph Waldo Emerson
(1803 – 1882) essayist, poet, & philosopher
Characteristics
Honesty
Honor
Spoons
A man will do more for his stubbornness than for his religion or his country.
Edgar Watson Howe
(1853 – 1937) journalist, writer & editor
Characteristics
Stubbornness
Truthful: Dumb and illiterate.
Ambrose Bierce
(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Characteristics
Definitions
Honesty
Truthful
I like a man who's good, but not too good; for the good die young, and I hate a dead one.
Mae West
(1893 – 1980) actress, playwright, screenwriter & sex symbol
Age
Characteristics
Good
If you go to any book store and look at any book on marriage, you'll see at least one photo of me about to put an ice tray with only one ice cube left in it back into the refrigerator.
Darrell Hammond
(1955 – ) American actor, stand-up comedian & impressionist
Characteristics
Husbands
Marriage
Bad
[Charm] is a way of getting the answer yes without having asked any clear question
Albert Camus
(1913 – 1960) French-Algerian author, philosopher & journalist
Characteristics
Charm
I hate careless flattery, the kind that exhausts you in your efforts to believe it.
Wilson Mizner
(1876 – 1933) screenwriter
Characteristics
Flattery
Nothing is more admirable than the fortitude with which millionaires tolerate the disadvantages of their wealth.
Rex Stout
(1886 – 1975) American fiction writer
Characteristics
Money
Poverty
Situations
Wealth
More than 150 heads of state attended the UN Summit, giving New Yorkers a chance to get in touch with prejudices they didn't even know they had.
Jon Stewart
(1962 – ) American political satirist, writer, television host & comedian
Characteristics
People
Predjudice
United Nations
I was going to buy a copy of The Power of Positive Thinking, and then I thought: What the hell good would that do?
Ronnie Shakes
comedian
Books
Characteristics
Communication
Reading/Writing
He turned out to be so many different characters he could have populated all of War and Peace and still had a few people left over.
Herbert Mitgang
(1920 – ) author, editor, journalist, playwright & television producer
Characteristics
About Lyndon Johnson
Personality
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