Subject: Communication » Language (Page 10)

Linguist: A person who can be misunderstood in many languages.

Communication Definitions Language

I like when good things happen to me, but I wait two weeks to tell anyone because I like to use the word ‘fortnight.’

(1973 – ) American comedian
Communication Language Time

Why is the alphabet in that order?… is it because of that song?

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Communication Language

Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.

Communication Language Wordplay

Advice: the smallest current coin.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language Opinion

The past does not repeat itself, but it rhymes.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Language Past Time

Like most comics, I just broke up with my girlfriend… the reason we broke up is because I caught her lying – under another man.

(1964 – ) American stand-up comedian
Girlfriends Language Relationships Sex

Just between you and I, case is important.

Communication Language Murphy’s Laws Reading/Writing

My teacher used to say I wasn't very observant… to be honest, that was her opinion.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Communication Language

I don't speak Chinese, but I figure if I try, I've got to be saying something.

(1962 – ) Canadian-American actor, comedian, author & radio personality
Baseball Communication Language

I was recently on a tour of Latin America, and the only regret I have was that I didn’t study Latin harder in school so I could converse with those people.

(1947 – ) U.S. vice president & politician
Communication Language Misspokements Places

Why are hemorrhoids called “hemorrhoids” instead of “assteroids”?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Language

I've been accused of vulgarity, and I say that's bullshit!

(1926 – ) film director, screenwriter, composer, comedian, actor & producer
Characteristics Communication Language

I love going on blind dates because you can stare at their tits. … Some of you are now thinking — “Hey you can’t make fun of the blind…” Watch me.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Communication Dating Language Relationships

We have long passed the Victorian Era when asterisks were followed after a certain interval by a baby.

(1874 – 1965) English dramatist & novelist
Communication Language

Monument: A structure intended to commemorate something which either needs no commemoration or cannot be commemorated.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language

My goal in life is to open up a nail salon in Vietnam, where all my workers speak nothing but English.

American-Mexican stand-up comedian & actress
Communication Language Places

The road to hell is paved with adverbs.

(1947 – ) novelist, screenwriter
Communication Language Reading/Writing Things

Why don't they have waiters in waiting rooms?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Communication Language

Have you ever imagined a world with no hypothetical situations?

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Communication Language Situations

If “con” is the opposite of "pro," then isn’t Congress the opposite of progress?

(1962 – ) American political satirist, writer, television host & comedian
Congress Government Language