Subject: Communication » Language (Page 15)

I always confuse the words exotic and erotic; that made for a very awkward conversation at my local pet store.

comic, actor, & writer

You say ‘erbs, and we say Herbs… because there’s a f**king ‘H’ in it!

(1962 – ) English stand-up comedian & actor

2-in-1 is a stupid term, because 1 is not big enough to hold 2; that's why 2 was created.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian

Architect: One who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft of your money.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist

We have really everything in common with America nowadays, except, of course, language.

(1854 – 1900) Irish dramatist, novelist & poet

Vagina?… that sounds like something you call in sick with.

American comedian & television host

A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one Year and out the other.

Let me ask you… would crack be so bad, and would people think so harshly of crack, if it were called 'crackle'?

(1968 – ) American actor & comedian

Watch out for irregular verbs which has cropped up into our language.

Just between you and I, case is important.

She went into the hospital after being bitten by a spider in a bathing suit.

(1908 – 1997) German-born teacher, academic & humorist

Easy way to make someone sound less powerful, just put DJ in front of their name… DJ Abraham Lincoln.

(1973 – ) American comedian

Aardvark: In the beginning was the word. And the word was ‘Aardvark.’

1. Never use one word when a dozen will suffice.
2. If it can be understood, it's not finished yet.
3. Never be the first to do anything.

When the American people get through with the English language, it will look as if it had been run over by a musical comedy.

(1867 – 1936) author & humorist

I like what mechanics wear… overall.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer

First triple I ever had.

(1908 – 1989) American baseball player

‘Finger Puppet’ sounds OK as a noun.

(1973 – ) American comedian

Politics makes estranged bedfellows.

(Aiskowitz) (1899 – 1982) humorist

I have been called too vague by you know who… but you know the old saying…

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer

I had a rose named after me and I was very flattered, but I was not pleased to read the description in the catalogue: – 'No good in a bed, but fine against a wall.'

(1884 – 1962) diplomat & reformer & first lady