Subject: Communication (Page 26)

If the person you are talking to doesn't appear to be listening, be patient; it may simply be that he has a small piece of fluff in his ear.

fictional character from the book series by A. A. Milne
Communication Speech

I do a lot of reading on serial killers – mostly How To books.

(1952 – ) comedian, actress & writer
Books Communication Reading/Writing

We need a twelve-step group for compulsive talkers; they could call it On Anon Anon.

(1959 – ) American comedian
Communication People Speech

You can say ‘Thanks,’ and you can say ‘Thanks a Million’ – but any number in between? … uhuh.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Communication Language

Electrocardiograph: Ticker tape.

Definitions Wordplay

I used to go to the driving range to practice driving without slicing; now I go to the driving range to practice slicing without swearing.

(1941 – ) poet, author, editor & anthologist
Communication Golf Speech Sports

A word to the wise is not sufficient if it doesn't make sense.

(1894 – 1961) author, cartoonist & humorist
Communication Intelligence Wisdom

Whenever I see an autobiography for sale in the book store I just flip to the about the author section… I’m like, “Done, next!”

(1973 – ) American comedian
Books Communication Reading/Writing

“A WARM HAND ON YOUR OPENING.”

(1899 – 1973) English playwright, actor, composer, director & songwriter
Communication Wordplay

I haven't spoken to my wife in years; I didn't want to interrupt her.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Communication Marriage Speech Wives

The best tribute a French translator can pay Shakespeare is not to translate him.

(1872 – 1956) English essayist, parodist & caricaturist
Communication Reading/Writing

Some people pay a compliment as if they expected a receipt.

(1868 – 1930) cartoonist, humorist & journalist
Characteristics Communication People

In modern America, anyone who attempts to write satirically about the events of the day finds it difficult to concoct a situation so bizarre that it may not actually come to pass while the article is still on the presses.

(1935 – ) columnist, journalist & novelist
America Communication Reading/Writing

When I hear a baby, I always write down the noises he makes, so later I can ask him what he meant.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Children Communication Family

My spelling is wobbly; it’s good spelling but it wobbles, and the letters get in the wrong places.

fictional character from the book series by A. A. Milne
Communication Language Reading/Writing

Consult: To seek another's approval of a course already decided on.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language

A conference call is the best way for a dozen people to say “bye” 300 times.

American comedian
Communication

My father was a man of few words and I remember him saying to me, “Son…

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Communication Family Fathers Speech

Verbs has to agree with their subject.

Communication Language Murphy’s Laws Reading/Writing

It would be hard to be friends with Stephen Hawking because Stephen Hawking, you know, sounds like a robot and if you phoned him and he answered, you'd be like, 'Oh great, got the machine again' – and hang up.

Canadian comedian & actor
Communication Situations Speech

Cynic: A man who sees things as they are, not as they ought to be.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language