Subject: Communication (Page 27)

Those who know the least will always know it the loudest.

Intelligence Murphy’s Laws Speech

If crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Communication Language

The penis mightier than the sword.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Communication Wordplay

I have learned the difference between a cactus and a caucus; on a cactus, the pricks are on the outside.

(1922 – 1998) U.S. Representative (Arizona) & politician
Communication Government Language Politics

I deserve respect for the things I did not do.

(1947 – ) U.S. vice president & politician
Communication Misspokements Speech

Philanthropist: A rich (and usually bald) old gentleman who has trained himself to grin while his conscience is picking his pocket.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language Wealth

To see him fumbling with our rich and delicate English is like seeing a Sevres vase in the hands of a chimpanzee.

(1903 – 1966) English writer
Communication Insults Language

Snoring: Sheet music.

Definitions Sleep Wordplay

My wife said: ‘I want an explanation and I want the truth.’ I said: ‘Make up your mind.’

(1906 – 1998) English-born American comedian
Communication Honesty Marriage Truth Wives

No name, no matter how simple, can be correctly understood over the phone.

Communication Murphy’s Laws Things

I drink therefore I am.

(1880 – 1946) comedian, actor, juggler & writer
Alcohol Food/Drink Wordplay

Omen: A sign that something will happen if nothing happens.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language

You want to go out tonight? We could grab an Italian. And then go for dinner afterwards.

(1963 – ) Canadian-American actor
TV/Movie Quotes Wordplay

At the all-you-can-eat barbecue, you have to pay the regular dinner price if you eat less than you can.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Food/Drink Wordplay

Virginia Woolf’s writing is no more than glamorous knitting; I believe she must have a pattern somewhere.

(1887 – 1964) English biographer, critic, novelist & poet
Insults Reading/Writing

I don’t own a cell phone or a pager; I just hang around everyone I know, all the time.

(1968 – 2005) American stand-up comedian
Communication

There are two great rules of life: 1. Never tell everything at once.

(1931 – ) American golfer & broadcaster
Communication Life Misspokements Speech

If love means never having to say you're sorry, then marriage means always having to say everything twice.

(1924 – 2008) American actress
Communication Marriage Speech

Adultery is the application of democracy to love.

(1880 – 1956) journalist, essayist, editor & satirist
Communication Love Marriage Sex

They say you shouldn’t say nothin’ about the dead unless it’s good; he’s dead… good!

(1894 – 1975) American comedian
Communication Death Speech

I was a lighting technician, off and on.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Communication Wordplay