Subject: Communication (Page 74)

You know what I hate?… Indian givers… no, I take that back.

(1956 – ) American comedian
Characteristics Communication Language

Champagne for my real friends, and real pain for my sham friends.

(1949 – ) American singer-songwriter, composer & actor
Communication Friends People Wordplay

We get it, poets: Things are like other things.


Communication Reading/Writing

A conference call is the best way for a dozen people to say “bye” 300 times.

American comedian
Communication

I’m all in favor of free expression provided it’s kept rigidly under control.

English author, actor, humorist & playwright
Communication

Antibody: Against everyone.

Definitions Wordplay

Assassination is the extreme form of censorship.

(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
Communication

Oh, if I could piss the way he speaks!

(1841 – 1929) French statesman, physician & journalist
Insults Speech

Philanthropist: A rich (and usually bald) old gentleman who has trained himself to grin while his conscience is picking his pocket.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Communication Definitions Language Wealth

I was going to buy a book on hair loss, but the pages kept falling out.

(1966 – ) American stand-up comic
Books Hair

That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.

(1952 – ) American writer & comedian
Communication Emotions Entertainment Laughter

"No comment" is a comment.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Communication

Calling Durante's nose large is like calling Jack Benny "thrifty."

(1896 – 1996) comedian, actor & entertainer
Appearance Language

An autobiography is an obituary in serial form with the last installment missing.

(1908 – 1999) English writer
Books Communication Reading/Writing

Foreigners always spell better than they pronounce.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Communication People Places

Apex: A gorilla’s old girlfriend.

Definitions Wordplay

If you can't answer a man's arguments, all is not lost; you can still call him vile names.

(1856 – 1915) writer, publisher, artist & philosopher
Communication Speech

The man who doesn’t read good books has no advantage over the man who can’t read them.

Samuel Clemens (1835 – 1910) author & humorist
Books Communication Reading/Writing

If my books had been any worse, I should not have been invited to Hollywood, and if they had been any better, I should not have come.

(1888 – 1959) detective novelist & screenwriter
Books Communication Self

I was a lighting technician, off and on.

Canadian stand-up comedian, actor & writer
Communication Wordplay

I went to a 7-11 and asked for a 2×4 and a box of 3×5′s and the clerk said, “ten-four.”


Activities Communication Language Shopping