Subject: Conflict (Page 16)

These days, the problem with many neighborhoods is that there're more hoods than neighbors!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Conflict Crime People

Fun Stuff: Walk into a gun store, buy three guns and a bunch of ammunition, then ask them if they have any ski masks.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Arms Conflict

Marriage is nature's way of keeping us from fighting with strangers.

(1927 – 2004) American comedian & actor
Conflict Fights Marriage

War is God's way of teaching us geography.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Conflict God War

Never forget that your weapon was made by the lowest bidder.

Arms Military Money Murphy’s Laws

You’ll get my assault weapon when you pry it out of my curious six-year-old’s cold dead hands.

(1978 – ) American writer & stand-up comedian
Arms Conflict Things

It's possible to disagree with someone about the ethics of non-violence without wanting to kick his face in.

(1946 – ) British playwright, screen writer & film director
Conflict Fights

Kissinger bought peace to Vietnam the same way Napoleon brought peace to to Europe: by losing.

(1923 – 1999) American satirical novelist, short story writer & playwright
Conflict

Madonna said that we should pull all of our troops out of Iraq; Donald Rumsfeld said, "No, I think we'd better wait and hear what Britney Spears has to say about it first.”

(1950 – ) comedian & television host
Conflict War

A citizen of America will cross the ocean to fight for democracy, but won’t cross the street to vote in a national election.

(1915 – 1977) columnist, writer & actor
America Democracy Elections/Voting Government Places War World

A liberal is a conservative who has been arrested.

(1931 – ) American author & journalist
Beliefs Conflict Law People

I know a baseball star who wouldn't report the theft of his wife's credit cards because the thief spends less than she does.

(1926 – 2016) American baseball player, announcer & television host
Conflict Crime Money

The reason there is so little crime in Germany is that its against the law.

Crime Place Names

My wife and I had words – but I never got to use mine.

Conflict Marriage Wives

I believe that forgiving them is God’s function; our job is to arrange the meeting.

(1934 – 2012) United States Army general
Conflict Killing War

I am at two with nature.

(1935 – ) movie actor, director & comedian
Conflict

There was a break-in at the Open Door Baptist Church last week. Burglars entered through a rear window.

Church Bulletins Conflict Crime

Automatic weapons – aren’t.

Arms Military Murphy’s Laws

Never raise your hand to your children it leaves your midsection unprotected.

(1927 – ) magician & comedy writer
Children Conflict People

Don't lie, steal, or cheat unnecessarily.

Characteristics Conflict Honesty Murphy’s Laws

Music hath the charm to soothe a savage beast, but I'd try a revolver first.

(1818 – 1885) humorist
Arms Entertainment Music