Subject: Conflict (Page 2)

The world is a place that’s gone from being flat to round to crooked.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Crime Honesty Places World

An Iranian moderate is one that has run out of ammunition.

(1923 – ) German-born diplomat & scholar
Arms Conflict Government People Places

Diplomats tell lies to journalists, and they believe what they read.

(1874 – 1936) Austrian writer & journalist
Conflict War

How is it possible to have a civil war?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Conflict War Wordplay

[My husband] and I are always fighting; when we get up in the morning, we don't kiss; we touch gloves.

(1917 – 2012) comedian & actress
Conflict Marriage Problems

When there’s a single thief, it's robbery; when there are a thousand thieves, it’s taxation.

Crime Government Taxes

On the downside, it's loaded with sexual predators; on the plus side, it's also loaded with sexual prey.

(1973 – ) American comedian
Crime Science/Weather Sex

A liberal is a man too broadminded to take his own side in a quarrel.

(1874 – 1963) American poet
Characteristics Conflict Government Politics

The fascination of shooting as a sport depends almost wholly on whether you are at the right or wrong end of the gun.

(1881 – 1975) English writer & humorist
Arms Sports

Prison inmates are treated to cable TV, hot meals and a college education, while on the outside some people can only afford these things through a life of crime!

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Conflict Crime Money

Nowadays, the perfect crime is getting caught and then selling your story to TV.

fictional mascot and cover boy of Mad, an American humor magazine
Conflict Crime Entertainment Television

Riot: A popular entertainment given to the military by innocent bystanders.

(1842 – 1914) author & satirist
Conflict Definitions

The army with the smartest dress uniform will lose.

Conflict Military Murphy’s Laws

I haven't committed a crime; what I did was fail to comply with the law.

(1927 – ) American mayor (New York City)
Crime Misspokements

My wife and I had words – but I never got to use mine.

Conflict Marriage Wives

He scored hockey by the number of fights. If you lost seven to one, but won five fights, he figured you won the game.

Canadian businessman, sportsman & owner of the Toronto Maple Leafs
Conflict Fights Hockey Sports

Never advise anyone to go to war or to marry.

Marriage Proverbs War

I came from a real tough neighborhood. Once a guy pulled a knife on me. I knew he wasn’t a professional, the knife had butter on it.

(1921 – 2004) stand-up comedian & actor
Conflict Crime Places

All men are afraid of eyelash curlers; I sleep with one under my pillow, instead of a gun.

(1953 – ) comedian, dancer & writer
Arms Fear Men People Things

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Fights Sex

My mom was a ventriloquist and she always was throwing her voice; for ten years I thought the dog was telling me to kill my father.

(1961 – ) American stand-up comedian
Communication Family Fathers Killing Mothers Speech