Subject: Conflict (Page 3)

Shoplifter: A person with a gift of grab.

Conflict Crime Definitions

When your back is against the wall, there is only one thing to do, and that is turn around and fight.

(1943 – ) British prime minister & politician
Conflict Fights Misspokements

It's negative to think about blowing each other up.

(1946 – ) 43rd U.S. president
Conflict War

I’ve been temping at the job that laid me off, and that’s awkward because everybody knows I got canned, and they think I’ve come back to shoot them.

stand-up comedian & writer
Conflict Situations Work

If you ever see me getting beaten by the police, put down the video camera and come help me.

(1962 – ) comedian, actor, voice actor, screenwriter, & film & television director
Conflict Fights Situations

The time not to become a father is eighteen years before a war.

(1899 – 1985) US author & humorist
Family Fathers Time War

She doesn't understand the concept of Roman numerals; she thought we just fought in world war eleven.

(1935 – 2014) American comedian, television personality, writer & director
Intelligence War

Interviewer: Can you imagine yourself killing another human.

Sedaris: Not a stranger.

(1956 – ) American humorist, comedian & author
Conflict Killing

Have you heard about the woman who stabbed her husband thirty-seven times? … I admire her restraint.

(1952 – ) comedian, actress & writer
Conflict Marriage Wives

Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

Arms Situations Things

My Dad always told me there’s three things you need to have in the boot of your car: a blanket, a shovel and a flask; and he’s right – because whenever I’ve killed a man I’m parched.

(1975 – ) English comedian
Autos Conflict Killing Things

No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

Conflict Housework Husbands Marriage Proverbs

I was arrested for selling illegal-sized paper.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Conflict Crime

Kleptomaniac: A thief with breeding.

(1950 – ) American author, satirist, webmaster & copywriter
Crime Definitions

It's possible to disagree with someone about the ethics of non-violence without wanting to kick his face in.

(1946 – ) British playwright, screen writer & film director
Conflict Fights

War does not determine who is right – only who is left.

(1856 – 1950) Irish playwright & socialist
Conflict People War

One good reason to only maintain a small circle of friends is that three out of four murders are committed by people who know the victim.

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Age Conflict Friends Killing People

It’s better to be tried by twelve men than to be carried by six.

Conflict Crime Death Government Law Murphy’s Laws

I want you guys to know that if we ever get into real heavy combat… I'll be right behind you guys. Every step of the way.

(1944 – 2014) American actor, director & writer
TV/Movie Quotes War

Buying my wife a gun is sort of like me saying, 'You know, I kinda want to kill myself, but I want it to be a surprise.'

(1963 – ) American stand-up comedian
Arms Conflict Killing Situations

At the end of the Peterson trial, my daughter turns to me and she goes, 'Daddy, are you going to kill Mommy?'… 'Oh, honey – that's up to Mommy, isn't it?'

(1964 – ) American comedian & actor
Conflict Killing Marriage Wives