Subject: Death (Page 14)

I have had no real gratification or enjoyment of any sort more than my neighbor on the next block who is worth only half a million

(1821 – 1885) American businessman & millionaire
Last words

Do you realize we’re only a heart attack away from Bush being president?

(1951 – 2014) comedian & actor
Death Government President

We have no reliable guarantee that the afterlife will be any less exasperating than this one, have we?

(1899 – 1973) English playwright, actor, composer, director & songwriter
Death

The hardest years in life are those between ten and seventy.

(1900 – 1993) American actress
Age Death

How were the receipts today at Madison Square Garden?

(1810 – 1891) American showman, businessman, entertainer & circus founder
Last words

People Who Don’t Know They’re Dead

Book Titles Death People

That's good. Go on, read some more.

(1865 – 1923) 29th U.S. President
Last words

I understand life isn’t fair, but why couldn’t it just once be unfair in my favor?

American comedian
Death

I'm sorry, boys, I’m all wet.

(1895 – 1964) comedian (wife & partner of George Burns)
Death Last words

Dear me! I think I'm turning into a god…

(9 – 79) Roman Emperor
Last words

There is no doubt that the first requirement for a composer is to be dead.

(1892 – 1955) Swiss composer
Death Entertainment Music

The only completely consistent people are the dead.

(1894 – 1963) English writer
Death People

I always read the last page of a book first so that if I die before I finish, I will know how it turned out.

(1941 – 2012) American novelist, producer, screenwriter & director
Communication Death Reading/Writing

If any of you have a message for the Devil, give it to me, for I am about to meet him!


Last words

I was going to commit suicide the other day, but I must not have been serious because I brought a beach towel.

(1955 – ) comedian, actor & writer
Death

If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown, too?

(1937 – 2008) stand-up comedian, social critic, actor & author
Activities Death People

Jesus is the only guy that ever came back from the dead that didn’t scare the f**k out of everybody!

(1953 – 1992) American comedian
Death

Memorial Service: Farewell party for someone who has already left.

(1930 – ) American author and billiard player, teacher & commentator
Death

God I'm bored.

(1885 – 1960) Lebanonese explorer, writer & British intelligence officer
Last words

That picture is awful dusty.

(1847 – 1882) American outlaw, bank robber & convicted murderer
Last words

No, but comfortable enough to die.

(1717 – 1780) Empress of Austria & Hungary
Last words